Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML
Today, I was pissing in a bathroom and I tossed my empty energy drink can into the toilet for laughs. The unnecessarily powerful flush sucked it up where it got stuck and caused me to get sprayed with toilet water while I frantically tried to open the stall. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML
Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML
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Top comments
HuntrTrakr 4
I'd be pissed!
harrywestt 0
Ok first of why the hell would u even want to eat while taking a leak? Just saying kinda stupid.
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Comments (191)
jasminea 0
can't you drive & eat?
mrahhhhh 21
Don't you know how to eat a candy bar while driving or walking?
WCARlover 35
Why didn't you just save the bar for break? That was prettyyy stupid
saam26 0
Hence BREAKFAST bar.
Taylo12237 5
Im pretty sure 'break' isn't the most important meal of the day... Just sayin
mrbattleman 10
look on the bright side, at least the piss was over yourself and not in the toilet, so you could just dry off your candy bar and it's still good =)
every1luvsboners 11
Simple math here. You need to hire a bathroom midget to hold your penis every time that you take a piss. They're fairly cheap and you can shave 3 seconds off of your piss time if you find a good one. Mine sleeps in the towel closet and only eats once a week.
Amrel 10
Well maybe if you forget to flush he might eat more than once a week unless thats what you mean
Commander223 9
*Quivers at Amrel's comment*
cptmorgan6 8
Well shit... Wake up a little earlier and just piss in your pants while sleeping and you'll make it to work in time.
yasmineo16 0
Hahahaha your comment is so funnyyy!! xD i wish i could put it in my favorites! Thumb up for sure!
FMLDG7 0
sucks to suck
nerdsgetmehot 23
Breakfast candy bar? Oh dear.
Amrel 10
I wil give a mouthful of something else how bout that?
nerdsgetmehot 23
#45 I will admit, I've eaten Reese's Puffs for breakfast...More than once. And enjoyed it. #53 If by "something else" you mean your genitals, then no thank you.
rallets 23
reeses puff, reeses puff, peanut butter chocolate flava!!!
polishperson5253 5
That's a win!
HolyHandGrenade 4
If by breakfast candy bar you mean milky way midnight, you better have taken it out of the toilet and eaten it, because those ******* are delicious, even with a side of toilet water.