Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
Today, I told someone “You too” when they'd said “Sorry for your loss” after I'd mentioned that I recently lost my dog to cancer. I realized what I'd said immediately and tried to fix it by talking more, which somehow made it worse. FML
Today, I was in bar and got talking to a guy next to me, who turned out to be American, which is quite exotic in my part of the UK. During the conversation, he mentioned being a vet, so I went on a long tangent about my cat's diarrhoea and asked him for advice. He let me babble on for ages before smiling and saying, "Not that kind of vet." FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML
Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML
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Top comments
SundayNightSix 23
Oh those Freudian slips..
Amanyyyyyy 29
Nice going, OP...
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Comments (142)
spoo 24
Dont feel so bad, anybody who had to listen to the whole thing probably was hearing that message anyway.
KingLewisII 34
Or they were trying to figure out what OP's favorite breed was.
conman531 23
**********, huh? God damn, what has this world come to?
ScottVining 21
I hope you cleared it up after.
AH1Zviper 15
Well I guess you're in the dog house now.
gracehi 33
Please disregard the above comment. It was a reply to some dumb ass claiming that OP deserved it for "using unnecessary profanity," which was deleted, and now the above comment made in reply has ended up here.
byefelicia1992 8
You deserve it for being trashy. Unnecessary profanity makes you look like an idiot.
xNephilim 19
So does being a judgmental prick.
cockymofo 10
Is there such thing as necessary profanity?
Pleonasm 36
Yes. In Quentin Tarantino movies.
KissMyAnthia200 12
Ya know,profanity is usually necessary to express how much you love/hate something or someone.It's my opinion,you don't have to care.And seriously,you are a ******* prick! Don't be an asshole!
gracehi 33
Never join the ******* Navy then, 18. I don't think your delicate sensibilities could handle it.
SweetasCandy0609 28
It was just a slight mix up of words OP it happens to everyone, I just hope you corrected yourself and told them want you actually meant to say.
Enslaved 38
Word slip ups happen. Reminds me of the scene from the movie "Dumb and Dumber". "I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy."
garebear61 14
Oh I guess we have similar interests... wait that's not what you meant. Me; "gets up and walks away."
KingLewisII 34
Well dogs always were "man's best friend," it was only a matter of time till someone became friends with benefits.
brivielle 15
lmaoooo! this comment ******* made my day
illegalbeagle69 23
seriously??
lbguitarist 7
Ah, the classic Freudian slip. Makes my day every time.