Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
Today, I told someone “You too” when they'd said “Sorry for your loss” after I'd mentioned that I recently lost my dog to cancer. I realized what I'd said immediately and tried to fix it by talking more, which somehow made it worse. FML
Today, I was in bar and got talking to a guy next to me, who turned out to be American, which is quite exotic in my part of the UK. During the conversation, he mentioned being a vet, so I went on a long tangent about my cat's diarrhoea and asked him for advice. He let me babble on for ages before smiling and saying, "Not that kind of vet." FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML
Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML
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Top comments
SundayNightSix 23
Oh those Freudian slips..
Amanyyyyyy 29
Nice going, OP...
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Comments (142)
brandoneyez1 25
Going to guess you corrected yourself. If you did, no harm no foul.
an3ph 20
YDI for unnecessary use of profanity. Get some class.
limabeans101029 21
Where do you draw the line of when profanity is unnecessary or not? OP was just using it to emphasize his/her point, which is what most people use profanities for. I don't really see the problem with it, as long as you aren't swearing profusely around people you don't know.
brivielle 15
#38 ******* classic. *bowing*
cryssycakesx3 23
too hard bro
urnnotvase 10
I can't stop laughing at this. :')
sydstoomuch 19
If you'd have left the profanity out you would have been fine
Nicholas12 15
retard
Alchemist_21 26
Are you sure that was a mistake? You did put this in intimacy instead of animals.
KissMyAnthia200 12
*********** much?
wvcheesehead 13
If you tire of Canada, you could make a buck in Tijuana. Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud did OK.
klassicalkelly 21
I hope that donkey doesn't have a heinie troll!