Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
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Top comments
thawny_fml 21
That is screaming YouTube
DocBastard 40
Boyfriend: Aw. Wook at you! Wook at the widdle pee pee! Isn't it cute! OP: No. But it IS little.
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Comments (148)
Likian5 26
Then get in that bed with him and help! ;)
dog1999 2
Wait... Are the friends still there?
laxforevrr 0
at least he's not giggling with another girl
lycansforever 0
That's hilarious... giggling like a little girl. Ahahaha!!
Sway_NV 7
He's a douche, and you're stupid for dating him.
mpalmiter4717 8
Sorry OP but YDI for continuing to date him if he has no time for you but plenty of time to get drunk. Dump him.
Stupend0us 7
I agree. In my experience it doesn't take long when dating someone to find out how they treat alcohol. At that point you can decide if you ever want the risk of having to deal with someone that will get drunk from time to time.
Leslier_fml 4
Lmao I cant stop laughing at this..specially after I read docbastard's comment.
Zehla 7
If he puts you in the backseat so he can get smashed with his friends when he hasn't seen you in a month, he's not worth your time.
antonnn_fml 0
Redtube or didn't happen.
musicluvr2000 11
Wasted boyfriend survival guide: 1. Post all details on FML 2. Hide