Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
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Top comments
thawny_fml 21
That is screaming YouTube
DocBastard 40
Boyfriend: Aw. Wook at you! Wook at the widdle pee pee! Isn't it cute! OP: No. But it IS little.
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Comments (148)
thawny_fml 21
That is screaming YouTube
_Oblivion_ 12
Why don't you seem surprised haha.
ShannyAK 16
Its going to go viral!
Chill_Turtle95 3
This is going to my favorites.
305Miami 0
Make sure to make an Adsense account to make a little money if it does go viral :)
iFizzgig 11
I honestly thought it was moaning youporn
drunkandfml 11
YOUTUBE!!!! YOUTUBE!!! Nope, it's just me, guys.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Awh, how cute.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Long time, no see! Welcome back :-)
Aug1508 9
He wants to role play!!! Lol, he wants to be the girl this time.
tpike1296 11
I coo at my penis. Isn't that normal?
cameronman9 2
I don't think so
WhyAmUHere 19
Don't listen to him. It's perfectly normal.
lopsop 12
Mine coos back some times. I'm not crazy am I?
perdix 31
No, that's ****** up. Singing bawdy songs of ribaldry to your penis while slapping it to the beat is perfectly normal.
TheDrifter 24
I thought you were supposed to whistle Dixie, not sing. But, I'm a lousy singer anyhow.
njgohard 16
Personally I prefer "Sweet Home Alabama", but to each his own, I guess.
Goldenchest 14
3 - Can Pegasi even see down there?
tpike1296 11
131: we Pegasi are very flexible.
jwolfe50 5
You sure know how to pick them OP
cameronman9 2
What does op mean!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!???????
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Over-punctuating?!?!?!?!?!
nniikkaayy 4
original poster.
MURIKKA 11
Opaque parrot
77777771 12
Octopus penis.
tpike1296 11
Otherworldly penis.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Octopus penis. #13 edited their comment after I posted. I did not copy them.
emeraldisle 30
Orange peel
rahrah765765 11
Oh pee.
christopherryan 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
6, don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers. When I first started reading FML's I didn't know what OP meant either, but I stayed patient and eventually learned what it meant. Either that or you can just google, cuz now you just look like an ass to the whole FML community
_Oblivion_ 12
Old Penis
stephan18 23
Why does he look like an ass you ******* idiot? He wanted to know what it meant, someone has to ask! I bet quite a few FMLers learned what OP meant because he asked. Some people are patient and some ask, the patient ones learn because of people who ask.
DocBastard 40
Christopherryan - He looks like a noob, that's all. You, however, look like an ass.
ManInTheMachine 20
stephan18- Yes, and the intelligent ones have the common sense to use the most popular search engine of the 21st century.
neilykins 29
I didn't know either, then I googled it...
MissMae93 23
Obnoxious poster - kind of like you with all those unnecessary exclamation points and question marks.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Ovarian puncher? No? Okay.....
khaosblade91 6
Fyl
Chill_Turtle95 3
I don't know what it stands for either, but from context clues I'm assuming it's used when referring to person who wrote the FML above.
Gregory607 1
And that is why Doc is my favorite
Eiregal2 10
Welcome to the FML hate party darling!
KiddNYC1O 22
It's an abbreviation for Stfu.
klx125cross 9
Just google it.... Dumb ass
jellycorn 13
Optimus Prime
MURIKKA 11
At least he didn't do that at the bar....
swankmrpancake 8
Maybe that's his drunk mating call.
DocBastard 40
Boyfriend: Aw. Wook at you! Wook at the widdle pee pee! Isn't it cute! OP: No. But it IS little.
folfg0 12
You make FMLs worth reading doc bastard.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Op's Bf: Awww, I bet you can't even stand up for me! No you can't! No you can't! Op: Unfortunately, you're right.
mick3y2013 2
Lol
RedPillSucks 33
Cooing at his penis? Was he ******* pigeons at the bar?
andiewithlove 21
Cooing doesn't always mean a literal "coo" sound. It can also be murmuring fondly to something, like when people marvel at babies.
emeraldisle 30
Sounds like he's having a blast by himself.