Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
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Top comments
Trembelwick 5
Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!
xii_clueless 0
Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]
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Comments (301)
jeb361 1
lmao, too funny :D
noncom 12
There is no such as an ex-marine. Once a Marine always a marine!
GlitterAngel 8
That is the biggest compliment ever. How sweet!
mdoll 0
Just a tip. A Marine is never an "ex-marine".
guppyfishlette 1
You only say ex marine if they were kicked from the service. Otherwise it's former marine. Once a marine always a marine
RunAwayAndCry 3
Shoud've said "If your daughter's heart ever gets broken, it's your fault. You're not helping wanting me to stay with her"
ko77777 0
don't call him an "ex-marine" ever, it will just piss him off... a lot
VeggieKiller 6
And then you fainted...you forgot to add that part
MissDizzyLizzy 2
That's what my dad and step dad does except with shot guns.. lol
mask724 7
Yes, in a emergency the cops are only minutes away! Oops ! Too late mister winky go by by !!! Lol