Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
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Top comments
lostcrazydiamond 10
How old was your son that he didn't know what an analogy was, but he watches ****?
mpj13 8
Sounds like a pain in the ass
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Comments (87)
lostcrazydiamond 10
How old was your son that he didn't know what an analogy was, but he watches ****?
BostonBear 33
that was my first thought too
Ebola_fml 20
Probably 18
finnrambo 13
18 is a bit old to not know that try 14-15?
ophel1a 7
18 too old to know what an analogy is? either you aren't familiar with today's american youth, or you're weirdly optimistic!
capslockisgood 19
If he watched ****, he would know that it isn't a genre because it doesn't appear on **** sites.
qwillis98 20
As a 14 year old i know teens can be f*cking retarded my estimate is between 14-17
gmian 34
Thanks, 44. We all really care that you're a 14 year old.
7yzz 18
Haha are you serious? You didnt watch **** till you were 18??? Were you homeschooled??
then000bster 16
@49 Really? You are now mocked at for not watching ****? And even then the standard is watching it before you are 18? Hmmm, If I am correct you have to be at least 18 to watch "mature content".... And so what if they were homeschooled. I bet they learned the word analogy before 5th grade. Now this is a true "I don't want to live on this planet anymore"
Pyro_Wolf 17
49- not everyone likes ****.
7yzz 18
Because its a normal part of natural discovery, which most people get shown by one of their friends. If someone has not seen it by 18, people will assume they've been hidden from the world, or they have no friends..
Fanain 2
#59 you watched **** with your friends? I guess there's nothing like a bunch of boys all getting a stiffy, right? Oh! Oh! Did you have a jacking circle?
7yzz 18
Little boys share around their **** stashes lol, nothing new.
octopussperm125 18
CIRCLE JERK!!!!!!!
mpj13 8
Sounds like a pain in the ass
7yzz 18
Pretty sure I majored in the study of Analogy.
gc327072 31
Analorgy
MelTheGreat 23
Keep those analogies cumming.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Id do an anal pun butt I can't think of one
13ky13 20
I was gonna make an anal joke, butt **** it.
Jiplo 18
I've got to hand it to you guys, these puns are clever shit.
annalily5 28
Hey, literature can be pretty hot. I mean, who doesn't get turned on by Shakespeare?
ncsteven10101010 11
Lady Macbeth had it going on!
MelTheGreat 23
Shakespearean sonnets give me a boner.
coolboy675 16
27- was she all you wanted and what you've been waiting for so long too?
lilmisslovely13 15
Richard III is a hunk. I mean who doesnt get turned on by a cripple with a hump?
hunteryager 18
27 a woman who can get a boner?????
hunteryager 18
I meant 40 my bad
CheeseTron 15
Hey, its deceptive word. Give him a break.
ladylilly25 20
Especially if you sound it out.
ladylilly25 20
No, #16, you were wrong. That was dumb.
ladylilly25 20
I find it funny that so many people are unhappy with me disagreeing with myself. Though, admittedly, I was right the first time.... Sorry if I'm giving anyone whiplash!
greenwich1945 13
...why would you disagree with yourself by sort of pretending to be someone else but still using the same account? Why not say 'oops, sorry, I was wrong'? What you did was kinda retarded, especially if you thought you were right the first time. I'm having a hard time getting my head round your motive for posting these comments.
ladylilly25 20
Because I was not pretending to be someone else and I was very tired, so I did believe I was wrong. I just didn't feel like being boring about correcting myself. Only after I got some sleep did I realize I was, in fact, right the first time. So, that was my "motive." To take over the world.
annie_nk 23
Now I can never are that word the same way.
Charmillionaire 13
It seems your inner pirate has gotten ahold of you.
annie_nk 23
I meant to type *see. I must have typed something like aee and it autocorrect'd to are.
zango1 15
It autocorrected autocorrected to autocorrect'd
darth_luke 8
I laughed at your comment more then I should have, #34
SeepingSarcasm 7
So did I #58, so did I! But #34, thanks for that comment, you really aarrrgghh good!
insertnameherr 11
That kid should take an English class instead of an anatomy class.
Imhere4fml 24
Did your son say "then what have I been watching?"
laya_fml 26
Did you use an analogy to explain it to him?
oj101 33
Appeal to him through the mnemonic method. Teach him to remember that an analogy is a literary device closely related to ****. He's sure to remember, and his teacher will definitely be impressed.
Reaper1984 13
maybe you should try the back door approach