Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
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Top comments
lostcrazydiamond 10
How old was your son that he didn't know what an analogy was, but he watches ****?
mpj13 8
Sounds like a pain in the ass
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Comments (87)
dildite 7
Merica!
Connect 10
Phenomanal job OP.
MarisaCB 16
Irony, irony. Phenomenal*
finnrambo 13
if that was a category what did he possibly think would be in it? old men in white lab coats staring at a chicks ass saying "hmmm fine specimen here"?
perdix 31
Aren't literary devices what that 50 Shades dude used on that poor girl? An analogy that ran on D-batteries?
raesos91 26
heavy duty xD
acerima 11
Any wonder what's wrong with today's youth? YDI OP
dectivebobby 6
how does op deserve it? just because her son didn't know something? that's not really her fault
VooDooCarrie91 19
#23, OP is a male..
micahdunk 13
Some people just have really dirty minds...it happens.
buckdharma 38
Now Johnny, "analogy" is a literary device, and **** is a "literal", vice. Got it? good.
ulissey_fml 22
After his brush with literature, a hole world opened in front of him.
RedPillSucks 33
Talk about being thrust into the literary hole!
Ja777 9
My English major self is torn between despairing for humanity and wishing that this guy had been in one of my English classes, so I could have been there to hear his reaction when someone mentioned an analogy...
1percent 7
I heard the job market is quite optimistic for English majors these days.
Steve95401 49
And I always thought Uranus referred to someone else's ass.