Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, it took a whole year to convince my girlfriend to sleep in the same bed as me, because she was afraid she’d fart. Every time, I assured her she was just being paranoid. Turns out, she farts more than anyone I’ve ever slept with. Combined. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
if you break up with her over a natural bodily function, then you deserve to be single your whole life. get over yourself
cuz803 46
If thou loves the beautiful maiden, he shall tolerate fellow maiden's gassy bum bum
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (26)
Charles McClure 6
Plot twist: it's actually her FML for being with someone childish enough to count farts
Jayme Meshell Williams 2
If you counted how many times she farted you didn't sleep with her. And guess what she poops too. They all do. Sounds like you need a blow up doll
BurnInDemonFire 39
My dude, you are pathetic. If you dump a woman just because she farts, you should go live in a cave and remain alone until you die. To others in the comments calling OP "childish", I remind you that kids think farts are hilarious, and would not complain if someone farted 56 times.
CowgirlWithHeart 16
You don't deserve her.
alexandraelopez02 1
the FIRST thing i do if i’m interested in a guy is fart in front of them. if they can’t handle that, then i dodged a bullet. i refuse to hold my farts in and make myself miserable and in pain just so you could go on pretending that women don’t fart just like you do.
randybryant799 21
Shallow much? Everyone does it.