Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I spent two hours researching ways to fake my death, just so I can escape my crazy, overbearing stalker of a mum. FML
Rude awakening
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML
Secretive
Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML
Appearance matters
Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML
Today, I decided to give my boyfriend one last chance at fixing our failing relationship. Instead of talking about how to fix our dying relationship, he decided to game all day and ignore me. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He decided to lock me in the apartment until I say that we are in fact still together. This is the 4th time he has done this. FML
Top comments
amrik 11
sell him
seeunexttuesdays 6
it's called a gun.
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Comments (359)
PushMyButtons 5
oh that sucks for you.
octinate 17
yeah
kiran_fml 5
call the cops
hannahtaskey 9
Is there a reason you ever started dating him...?
SwaggerMelon 6
Good luck.
rainbo955 0
People can change throughout a relationship. She may have loved him in the beginning until he started acting like a nitwit.
whybother8 0
do it like jLo in enough! middle of the night.
zendaddy0 0
cause a zombie apocalypse if he's a real asshole he will leave you
chaps93 6
I feel like if you act pyscho then you might scare him off. Unless those were his intentions... in that case you both need to grow a sack and dump each other.
brianjman14 23
36, that's not a bad idea... they did just discover zombie cancer...
katiekatie412 4
Get a restraining order! .....or a body guard.
lovinit5683 0
She probably didn't know when they started dating. Then once she did it was too late.
Tjack_attack 0
none of these suggestion would work cuz she's in the Philippines
Cmliedtke 0
50, first fluffee reference Ive ever seen anywhere =D
OkayImSorry 0
If she's in the Philippines she can get some butterfly knives and scare the **** out of that abusive bitch. Or you can lock him in a dog cage and feed him to a lion.
OkayImSorry 0
really
Trololololololo_fml 7
If you had your phone with you, which I suppose you had, you could call the police? Or use your computer? Then again, this might have been a room without any means of communication with the outside world..
Babalu722 3
62- or an assault rifle
brianjman14 23
106, FLuffee is awesome :D
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
135 FLuffeeeeeeeeeee :)
lalala2589 0
Yeah, because they day they started dating he told her how he was going to shoot her and taxidermy her so they could be together forever. Who doesn't love a romantic like that?
Renesaga 8
113, this is a website. As in, internet. Obviously, OP had some means of communication.
stinewd 9
let's hope your psycho boyfriend doesn't read FML's, but if, R.I.P OP.
simply_improper 1
a bit too serious to be on FML. as for the OP, stop whining and call the police
kevinfenchak 0
Liking how nobody gets that 113 is being sarcastic.
weewee1 0
maybe he's a hot psycho with a personality
SeedlessMe 13
197- oh, we got it... It just fell incredibly short of funny, or even entertaining.
tjv3 10
restraining order and a body guard, or maybe you could just tell him you no longer want to see him. if he freaks out tell him you will take out a contract on him with you uncle that is in the mob. you could act like you have become more psycho then him and then he will leave you.
Jacobt24 19
Actually, I'm still not seeing the sarcasm. Is it because it wasn't funny?
ZombieKing1215 1
hit me up, i'll kick his ass for ya 7079438071
Newboyz00185 0
62 Or a Hitman...
EvilPotato 15
is your boyfriend Charlie Sheen?
n_epic_fail 14
tell him you JUST found out you have herpes. he might kill u if you knew u had herpes and didn't say.... so yea make it a "I just found out" situation >.<
atlanta_lex 0
What ?
amrik 11
sell him
OasC82 0
solid idea
mruizk9 7
or stab him in the nuts and run like hell
SouthernSweetie 13
Or a swift kick in the ass, out the door, and down the street may help and hold a 44mag for good measure.
amrik 11
^damn I wish I thought of that
aKaClickZ 4
Taze him, bro.
kevinfenchak 0
Ha, people that think a .44 magnum is the best handgun ever cuz of Dirty Harry fail. try a shotgun with 00 buckshot.
Alex94xela 0
if I was her I'd kill him like shoot him in the face with a magnum
kplogan 0
omg its called a minigun with a grenade launcher attachment. duh. lol
goaliemkl123 8
you people are violent
redfishbluefish2 13
Remember, rule #? double tap ;)
JoeTheMan12 0
you could kill him or use the smart and easy plan, tell him that you are gay? it works trust me ;)
amrik 11
actually lock him in a room and play Justin bieber for 72 hours
carolv22 0
oh it would take less than 72 hours 281...
stupidfaceman 0
ur an idiot
supernerd352 7
**** the shotgun i'd bring a spork!
kenzersO3O 0
Good idea
iclark0 8
Yes, post his soul on eBay and see how much you can get for it.
seeunexttuesdays 6
it's called a gun.
OWNZ 0
Or a pet tiger
OWNZ 0
OR a pet tiger that knows how to use a gun!
seeunexttuesdays 6
hahah that'd be a funner way to kill him! plus you can't get in trouble if the tiger was the one holding the gun!
OWNZ 0
exactly! its the perfect plan!
OWNZ 0
we will strike at dawn!
seeunexttuesdays 6
I'll bring the tiger!!
seeunexttuesdays 6
hahaha nice!!
OWNZ 0
Mike Tysons tiger shall be our greatest ally!
seeunexttuesdays 6
This is gonna be perfect!! >:)
OWNZ 0
go big or go home, make sure its a .50 cal.
seeunexttuesdays 6
I don't get it.
agaba 0
166 it's called google
kevinfenchak 0
.50 cal? I don't think so, try a .338 Lapua.
steveakafranxy 7
#43 wins
foxyrambo 3
hollow points are a necessity.
NFL333 0
she can hire me a marine fully trained buy the government and private organization when I was a kid he'd be gone any way she wants him
s_scharf365 0
o
mrsvickybear 9
ill bring the hobo....•.•
j_cat187 20
7.62X39 dose it.
JoeTheMan12 0
il bring the medal of honor cat!
DKjazz 20
Say, isn't first degree murder punishable by the death sentence? OP would still die, wouldn't she?
seeunexttuesdays 6
not if it was a tiger who did it.
sanddollar88 0
i think a tiger might work pretty well..
ikillkkk 0
or just crack his neck while he's sleeping and throw his body in the lake
dorworters 9
i agree. i have somebody who can take care of problems like this... its me. but you didnt hear it from me.
chippa 24
Shitty, bud.
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
this sounds like a marijuana reference. next time try kush lol.
livin_plur 0
227 Thts exactly what I was thinking. that must be some bammer lol
neoamaru_fml 8
umm...911? :S
seeunexttuesdays 6
how would calling 911 help? having a stupid ass psychotic boyfriend isn't an emergency!
dani212 0
71, it is if it's possible she's gonna die from it!!!!!!!!
Blueglasscup 18
Fairly certain it's 999 in the Philippines bruh.
Tyler1988 0
911 wouldn't help you if you had trailer trash running at you with a bat.... I would know
zimandme123 0
ya that's what o would do
zimandme123 0
umm kinda! u call them and say that your scared to break up with your boyfriend because he's a psychopath and might kill you!!!that's what your supposed to do
Oreogasm 5
op is from Philippines. 911 don't work there
Calyx_fml 22
The best way is to make him feel like the break up is his idea. Either that or move and tell NO ONE.
goshpeople 4
Making him feel like a break-up is his idea is pretty much the best solution. That way, you don't risk him going postal when you tell him you want to end the relationship. The only problem is how to do it... Other things, like moving away or faking having a contagious disease like herpes might just get him insanely furious, and who knows what he'd do. Bad situation to be in. Glad I'm not.
Jacobt24 19
It's Inception all over again
rainbo955 0
call the cops and get them to supervise while you get your stuff out of his house or ask them to escort him out. or have someone trusted over while you breakup with him and see how he reacts. that really sucks, op, good luck.
A7X_LoVeee 10
But whose to say he won't try something when the cops aren't around? o.O
allisonbredow 0
what does op mean? :p lol
rainbo955 0
it called lock your door and window.. Lol. or maybe counseling. or hook him up with another girl, lol
LouieLZ 5
Oklahoma Penis'
OWNZ 0
go cops get the dogs bitch im rollin with the fuzz now po po po po po po po po
beebby 0
and the cops should waste their time supervising a break up instead of stopping rapists and murderers?! ffs they aren't babysitters!!
rainbo955 0
84 - You are SUPPOSED to call the cops if you feel in danger from ANYONE including your spouse/partner. Better be safe the sorry, especially if you think he may become abusive. My dads friend was trying to get out of a relationship and she had to call the cops while she went to get her stuff out of his house so they could supervise in case it got violent.
beebby 0
whether they are SUPPOSED to or not, it shouldn't be happening. i was in an abusive relationship and didn't need the police to come bubble wrap me when i finally got the f out... cos i agree with all the uproar about what police are actually dealing with these days, they are way too often called upon when a sober person/ family member/ supportive friend/ parent/ teacher would suffice.
pickles1994 18
Op is Optimus Prime
ryanst 7
117- The majority of homicides is caused by the boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. If you feel like you're in danger from them, calling the police is your best option. And since murder is almost always on impulse, having a friend there won't stop them from bludgeoning you to death with the picture of the family trip to Disneyland when you say "I don't think this is going to work.."
pimpmonkey 1
haha! go cops smoke some rocks storm the barber shops sures nice bein white haha just kiddin blake guys
apegirl907 0
beebby Stfu u dumbass.
Awsumuzzie 12
Beeby, or should I say retard, just because you were in an abusive relationship and got out safely, doesn't mean everyone else can... How do you want to stop murders if you don't want them to call when they think something might happen? I suppose you want the corpse to deal with it, amirite?
beebby 0
no 173, or should i say hijabib, you're not right. and i wouldn't say i got out of the relationship 'safely' (response to comment above) but i managed to get out with the help of a family member. if any of you who have labelled me as a retard - you rude **** - or told me to stfu - you ugly bitch - have actually been in that situation, feel free to continue. if not then don't be so ignorant as to assume you would have any idea what you would do. what you think you would do and what you actually do when faced with a real life situation differ hugely. drink a cuppa concrete and harden the **** up, police aren't there to monitor relationships or the end of them.
dgr8ing 0
you shut it! cops are over extended and they could be helping some one who needs it versus some paranoid chick over reacting to probably nothing.
Awsumuzzie 12
Except i WAS in this situation and I did call the cops lol. Talk about pretending to know everything again.... They helped out by monitoring what went on AND came back when they didn't have to. So... I guess the other person was right, and so was I, In saying stfu retard.
Selbesterwahr 3
The Police are there to serve the citizens in protection from harm, to themselves, and their possessions. That is their job. If you are genuinely concerned for your mortal life, then I think, regardless of the situation, you are in the right if you decide to call them. Do you really think all of those people who were murdered by their partners would have been wrong to call the police? If that's your stand on things, then I'm seriously concerned for the way you apply logic to any situation.
beebby 0
183, cheers man :) finally a bit of reality around here instead of damsel in distress bullshit!! awesumuzzi, you were probably in that situation cos he was sick of you using pathetic kiddie insults like retard LOL... stick that in your pipe
Katy326 10
funny beeby, because most murders come from relationships/break ups gone bad. The police are around for protection and if a person feels they are being threatened by another person they should call. I am sorry to hear you went through an abusive relationship and I'm glad you made it out okay, but you're story does not apply to everyone.
a_nutritionist 10
yes of course the police shouldnt waste their time on dealing with abusive people, theyve got far too much to worry about with stopping all the real criminals, you know what i mean, those psychos driving 65 in a 60 zone. we need more patrols on the road to stop minor speeding infringements. totally with you. GO BEEBS...
Superflykid 5
op,! hahaha
rainbo955 0
haha wow I started an argument. but we can see who people agree with more by the thumbs. :p
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
174-You call her ignorant but you called her hijab...
a_nutritionist 10
@274 it doesnt really matter what the thumbs say, people are generally stupid - i think this applies even more to this site - so what they think is not a reflection of truth. not to say i disagree with you on this point, its just that suggesting the thumbs prove anything beyond "hurr durr lyke" is really useless.
rainbo955 0
I'm talking about people who think you should call the cops when your in danger versus the people who say quit being a whiny baby and don't bother the cops when your in danger, cause oh no, "that's not their job". -sarcasm-
fairymacabre 7
FAIL.
cuntfacekillah 5
your hair is a fail.
shakeTHEworld 12
Remember to hide his body when you're done.
Molord1 0
seriously, murder is the only way out of this situation.