Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, it took a whole year to convince my girlfriend to sleep in the same bed as me, because she was afraid she’d fart. Every time, I assured her she was just being paranoid. Turns out, she farts more than anyone I’ve ever slept with. Combined. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
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Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
if you break up with her over a natural bodily function, then you deserve to be single your whole life. get over yourself
cuz803 46
If thou loves the beautiful maiden, he shall tolerate fellow maiden's gassy bum bum
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Comments (26)
Sweetie 5
You counted??? WTF
XxTruthBoyXX 3
Could be what she ate
littlemissterry 6
because heaven forbid her body does something natural....
rainbowdonnareed 18
I have IBS glad my wife loves me
princess98 8
I seem to miss how her farting really meant you had to dump her? Do you not fart?
Ins0mau 20
I agree with the support for the young lady. But I guarantee, if it had been about a guy farting in bed the comments wound just be about how gross guys are.
Jonkbaby 23
what are you, 12?
DarkAngelsBlade 25
Look, I get it, she farts more than you think you do, and you're masculinity is threatened. But might I remind you that she has a ****** which can also make those sounds and if you did the dirty beforehand that might have come in to play just saying but if this made you single you deserve it and you're a shit human being and you're probably fart more and you're sleeping you think you do you.
SM79 6
Dude...EVERYONE farts in their sleep. Even you. Grow up. And maybe that one night was excessive amounts due to something she ate. Again, grow up.
DanielleinDC 34
So what if she farts in her sleep? People do weird things when they're sleeping, and it's not like she can control it. Now, it could very well be something she ate, or it could be indicative of a digestive issue. If you're mature enough, ask her about it and see if you can find a way to reduce the gas expulsion.