Today, I was going to have sex with a girl, but when I got my dick out she said, "You got a nice winky." Who the fuck calls a dick a winky unless they're in kindergarten? Felt like I brought home a toddler. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
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Top comments
Lost Reggie 22
Just put yer winky in her hoo-ha and boink, dumbass.
GoogieWithers 25
At least she said it was nice!
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Comments (5)
Lost Reggie 22
Just put yer winky in her hoo-ha and boink, dumbass.
Plop 17
Did you still ask her to Tinky your Winky?
GoogieWithers 25
At least she said it was nice!
poopface82 25
I get it. No sane person wants to feel like they’re having sex with someone of insufficient age unless that happens to be a weird kink for consenting adults to act in such a manner. For those saying he should have done it anyway despite being squicked, have some damn standards. Some of us don’t like sex with incompatible people any more than we like eating sauerkraut for breakfast. And this guy hates when sexual partners have juvenile sexual vocabulary. I guess the point of this is that I hate sauerkraut.
roryab 8
so what did you put it back and ran away?