Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's the sixth day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML
Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I realized the only way for me to actually socialize is to smoke a joint. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I got off a boring day at work and went to the casino because my wife wanted me to go and it sounded fun. I have been sitting here doing nothing but talk about people's lives in the non-smoking section. FML
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Top comments
lavagirl 0
OMG.....is this my ex-husband?
Timmytwofinger 0
just top it off and invest in a bong
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Comments (146)
slightly_st00pid 0
...And for those of you saying to maybe try picking up the weed...That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. In no way should that be an alternative in any circumstance. If anything that would eventually make the problem even worse. I know too many people that all they do is smoke weed, it's depressing. I've sat and watched a rollercoaster of events the past 5 years of both my older brothers. Who smoked weed, and other drugs. One ended up in jail, the other in the hospital. Now they battle to try and live a normal life, and I'm forced to do the same. So keep your bong stories to yourself and don't recommend to someone that it's all okay.
missawesome16 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
its a joke jesus do u take everything so seriosly
kittykail13 2
Wow, your stupid ass duck face is the real joke here..
Argh_fml 0
get a job.
PaperxHearts_xox 0
how is this an fml? Get a job. Get a girlfriend. Get a life.
missvideogamer 0
wow i know someone like this!!! kind of weird..... if your out there give me a shout
addy918 0
dude your livin the dream
Everlost 0
spilling the beans clearly you need to ********** more!
CHILL222 0
comon dude wtf do something w/ ur life u idiot
stoner47 0
dude i have done that to
ryansims 0
Prostitutes are pretty cheap try one
WFMS 0
Maybe go outside and jog or go to the movies. just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!