Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML
Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
KelseyDaBoyz 21
Shouldn't have done it. Let him deal with the consequences of his stupid actions.
christinamarie17 29
I feel like he shouldn't be allowed to have children.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
HeadlessSparrow 20
At least we know he can keep his word when he lost the bet!
Asinger06 1
Glad you aren't my parent. Total dick comment
nphill82 21
Geez, kinda harsh for your own kid....
ThatHorse 15
It doesn't matter if the kid deserved it, you are a dick of a parent talking about them like this.
mercyelvira42 23
Your son will continue to make stupid decisions if he knows you'll be there to bail him out. If he faces his punishment I think he'll think twice before acting in the future
hektek 11
It's parents like you who encourage this shit, you should've left his stupid ass in jail for a night, he needs some tough love.
manlytarts 28
Maybe a fourth of a brain.
watermelon_bae 15
You know what they say: children learn by their parent's example. Perhaps you should evaluate how you raised him first before blaming him and calling him a "pansy".
buck16 9
love how you only bailed him out because you say he is a pansy, hilarious.
press_start_bro 21
I JUST MODERATED A POST RIGHT AFTER READING THIS THAT SAID" Today, some ass hole kid pissed in my car window as I was driving past. now my car smells like piss. thanks kid."