Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML
Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
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Top comments
KelseyDaBoyz 21
Shouldn't have done it. Let him deal with the consequences of his stupid actions.
christinamarie17 29
I feel like he shouldn't be allowed to have children.
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Comments (83)
whatunicorn 17
Lol I know everyone's calling him an idiot etc. but I think this is hilarious.
salimes 2
haha. I definitly agree. Everyone treat him like a criminel (he sould be left in jail, make him learn (that way?!) from his mistake .. blabla) My god, he just piss in car, he didn't rape, kill, torture, attack.. This is stupid but dam hilarius and 10 years from now he will defintly remember this and laughing his ass off ;-)
doodlecloud 27
Pissing through the open window of a car is not only disgusting in itself but is horrible for the people in the car. They'll feel violated and will have to pay out to get the car cleaned properly which OP has no right to make them do. Hell if they're really poor they might have to clean it themselves and likely won't be able to get the smell out properly. Completely shameful behaviour.
drrobotnik1 18
read "How to Disappear: Erase Your Digital Footprint, Leave False Trails, And Vanish Without A Trace" it's cheap on amazon. site won't let me link you to it for whatever asinine reason. good luck.
drrobotnik1 18
this was for the guy trying to escape from his mommy. sorry, site wouldn't let me fix it. you know this is literally where the expression "bailing out" comes from, right? if he 'wouldn't have survived' overnight... then good! takes care of everything for you and keeps his hands clean. i'm sure you don't literally think your garbage son would be murdered overnight. YDI for teaching your kid there's no consequences for his actions. hope he has fun on the sex offender's registry!
KatieJBabe 27
You should have left him in jail, maybe it would have taught him something.
jagott2 8
I feel like the OP insulted himself more than his son.
9Ja4cOb 14
Peer pressure is a bitch
ColorOfSoul 19
Maybe you should be taking early prevention like put all hid cousins name under list "NO"
Internetflakes 13
OP is probably pissed, but urine a good situation to not have a shitty son...okay, it's official, I'm stalling..
sariberii 8
You raised him
writerchic85 26
You know, it does suck about this thing happening with your son but I hate these fmls by parents insulting and degrading their kids. Maybe he wouldn't be such a half-brained pansy if he had a better support system from his parents. I know I've made dumb mistakes in my youth but my parents didn't call me stupid. Ever.
megs925 16
Should've left him there overnight to teach him a lesson.