Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML
Today, I let my 19-year-old son drive my Lexus to his date. At 11:00 p.m., I watched him pull into the driveway with a broken taillight, marks and scratches all over the car, the front bumper missing, and him being nearly passed out because he's so drunk. FML
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML
Today, I had to take my son to hospital because he had two Lego pieces up his nose. He’s 19 and shoved them up there because he was drunk. FML
Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
And he gets to wake up the next day with a terrible hangover thanks to you being there when he needed you.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I don't know what the legal drinking age is in your country, but regardless, I have never understood how or why people manage to get so drunk they can't function. I honestly would have just left his idiot ass there to deal with the consequences of his own actions. He is an adult, after all.
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Comments (2)
GoogieWithers 25
And he gets to wake up the next day with a terrible hangover thanks to you being there when he needed you.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I don't know what the legal drinking age is in your country, but regardless, I have never understood how or why people manage to get so drunk they can't function. I honestly would have just left his idiot ass there to deal with the consequences of his own actions. He is an adult, after all.