Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML
Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML
Today, I thought about going to visit an old girlfriend of mine with hopes of getting a little head. Unfortunately, I didn't know it would be head lice I'd get. FML
Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML
Today, I found out I have bed bugs, thanks to my dad having them and not telling me, so my girlfriend got pissed at me, thinking I purposely give them to her, and is sending me a bill to have her house treated for them. Thanks dad. FML
Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML
Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML
Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML
Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You are inferring all wrong. They are clearly telling you that you have bad breath, you stink, and you're going to get lice from the last person who slept on that bed.
FrankHotpants 31
just incase
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Comments (114)
sandiiiiiii 0
I'd go home.
SherriB_fml 0
That's pretty messed up!
lolaisagirl 0
Again.. because smelling your own pee every time you sleep at night during your stay, is the perfect revenge! also where are the grammar Nazis when you need them?
Brett121 6
wow ur dads a ass for not saying anything unless it was a joke and ur step mom is just friken phyco (unless u do have lice and stuff) so yeh FYL
Lichinamo 33
I can't help myself... *Your *dad's *an *your *fricking *psyhco *you *yeah
THExistentialist 13
117- *psycho. grammar Nazi fail.
Zebidee 9
On day two, ask for more lice shampoo.
StevenSS 0
sure you don't.
maybaybe 0
Pee on their bed, pour the mouthwash on their pillows and then go home.
heyred 11
Get a hotel room and send the bill to dear old Dad. You are obviously not welcome there, so you might as well enjoy hotel **** on Dad's dime while proving your point.
Skinkitten 0
OP, go piss in their bed. Seriously... Do it.
alicec123 0
you know you have to wet the bed deliveratly now :)