Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML
Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML
Today, I thought about going to visit an old girlfriend of mine with hopes of getting a little head. Unfortunately, I didn't know it would be head lice I'd get. FML
Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML
Today, I found out I have bed bugs, thanks to my dad having them and not telling me, so my girlfriend got pissed at me, thinking I purposely give them to her, and is sending me a bill to have her house treated for them. Thanks dad. FML
Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML
Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML
Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML
Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You are inferring all wrong. They are clearly telling you that you have bad breath, you stink, and you're going to get lice from the last person who slept on that bed.
FrankHotpants 31
just incase
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Comments (114)
natcor8 0
Wow I'm sorry.
yuggi1 11
OR... The shampoo is actually for your crabs (thought they wouldn't find out, huh?) and the bed plastic for your masturbation sessions ( your mom told you off). If this is the case YDI.
jakeisawake 3
Aye now; I don't see where the guy deserves it, unless you mean because he gives himself extra care under the covers. That just makes him a real man. The deodorant would then be used to mask himself from his glistening sweat and hardwork. As for lice shampoo... Maybe he does have crabs, BUT he's learned his lesson hence his reason for masturbating.
UpsidedownKayak 9
So you don't deny that you have body odor and bad breath? Try cleaning up for the people around you. No one wants to be around someone that stinks.
Babyquackquack91 0
I'm sorry but, your dads a d-bag x/
iloveyou7877 0
that's funny ;D
lolaisagirl 0
is there something so terribly wrong with your nose that you have to cover it up? just wondering.
Sparkiee93 3
What assholes! You should cause chaos.
KVKdragon 26
I'd appreciate the free mouthwash and deodorant. But at the same time, I'd also dump that lice shampoo in the kitchen sink (your stepmom can't miss it) and cut up the plastic mattress into pieces to be strewn on your stepmom's and dad's bed.
lolaisagirl 0
because that's not childish at all!
rlatpffl86 0
pull off the plastic and pee on it.
sourgirl101 29
Okay, this was funny. (:
lolaisagirl 0
yes, because smelling your own pee every time you sleep at night during your stay is the perfect revenge! and also apparently funny..
Lichinamo 33
OR, lolaisagirl, they could pee on the bed on the last day of their visit so they don't have to smell it and when they're leaving they can say, "You know how I said I didn't need the plastic covers? I lied! Bye!" and run away.
georggx 3
why lie? of course you have lice and of course you wet the bed!
urdirtyolduncle 15
they were trying to be good hosts :)