Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I was having a romantic dinner at home with my girlfriend. Everything was perfect—candles, wine, the whole shebang. As we sat down, I felt something moving under the table. I thought it was her playing footsie. Nope, it was our cat with a very live, very tetchy mouse he'd just caught. Cue the screaming and wine spilling everywhere. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Your father sounds like an absolute riot!
SweetAsHell 9
I don't think she's going to want to continue your family line anytime soon, OP.
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Comments (97)
osm1989_fml 6
This is the moment where you discover whether your girlfriend is chill and understanding with a sense of humor, or an uptight, judgmental jerkface.
TBelle4Ever 15
Could have been worse, your mom could have joined and said, "Come on honey! PUSH"!
darwinism 30
Don't be mad at him, he was only trying to help. Maybe he thought your conversation was a little boring and tried to lighten things up with his amazing cat tricks. How many girls can say they have seen a grown man manipulate a feline like that? There is only "win" in this situation.
Pleonasm 36
But wait, he doesn't have a pussy for that! or does he?
TheLadyOpal 30
If your dad managed to survive doing this sort of thing to a cat, I think I'd take that cat in for a checkup immediately. Something is obviously wrong with it.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Weird, but he sounds like a fun guy.
jenniiienyc 5
I would have laughed. At least your parents aren't assholes, so hopefully she understands she's got it good with yours.
greenie213 23
I like how the first two commenters have cat profile pics.
emeraldisle 30
Lighten up. Your dad just has an odd sense of humour. I would've laughed.
gallopinghorses 3
That's hilarious! :D