Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I was having a romantic dinner at home with my girlfriend. Everything was perfect—candles, wine, the whole shebang. As we sat down, I felt something moving under the table. I thought it was her playing footsie. Nope, it was our cat with a very live, very tetchy mouse he'd just caught. Cue the screaming and wine spilling everywhere. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Your father sounds like an absolute riot!
SweetAsHell 9
I don't think she's going to want to continue your family line anytime soon, OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
katie1989 9
Cats probably used to it.
RockinRoyaltyxD 13
If this happen to me like if I'm ur gf, I would find this too funny. Your dad is awesome. XD
stupidpplsuck 33
this just sounds awful
escobar07 10
I wanna drink with your dad now. He sounds like a funny midi
escobar07 10
Can I drink with your dad he's funny.
MoreBeef 4
Your dad is awesome. This is the best prophylactic I have ever heard of. And to think, it's free!
DrAtomic 0
And the cat didn't do anything? What a pussy.
FaygoAndMiracles 18
This FML almost seems like it is implying that would be a bad thing.
buckdharma 38
let me guess.was the movie buffering?
neorok 5
By any chance is the cat a Maine Coon, because that's one helluva big cat to give birth to, LOL