Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mduffy08 8
It really can't get any more awkward.
sillydumpling 0
Give him a lengthy description about the mating patterns between you and his daughter
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (72)
a124 4
Dear god.. I was eating when I read this.
wildsweetchild 19
Thanks FML...It gave a phrase "tiger in bed" a whole new image...ROAR!
Epikouros 32
Well, that's relevant information about the quality of your girlfriend's genes. You should ask him if he's hung like a zebra, for the sake of your future sons.
iluvchocolate23 3
oh dear god.
jaakerzz 6
How's this an FML? I'd say it's a win.(:
onlychildFTW 34
I think he was inferring "if you hurt my daughter I can hurt you for awhile"
Presley_37 0
lion king is ruined for me
tj4234 36
Can you feel the love tonight?
Taymah49 7
So I'm guessing that you won't be doing anything for awhile now, right?
hantisago 1
Nothing breaks the ice better than lion sex