Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
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Top comments
xMeganMayhem 6
Way to go, douche bag.
Jk530 1
I agree with your son.
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Comments (176)
2ndSucks 15
Ooh snappy. I like your kid.
tj4234 36
Lol. That kid is Badass. Is your kid Rambo by any chance?
bubo_fml 11
As far as swear words in an 8 year old's lexicon goes, "Douche Bag" is pretty tame...A 6 year old once called me a "**** knuckle." I was simultaneously insulted & impressed!
mk58 31
This made me laugh out loud in a quiet library. Thanks for making everyone think I'm crazy, you **** knuckle.
speedbandit 6
Sounds like 24 doesn't drive or know the traffic laws in the united states
txgirl09 5
Sounds more like 24 is a complete dick who thinks they own the road and everyone else better have damn good breaks.
icic6772 0
Wow what a douche
icic6772 0
Wow what a douche
yeti0718 8
Haha it's not appropriate but you have to admit it was a good quip.
Enslaved 38
Saying curse words doesn't seem to be the problem, it's the 8 year old calling his dad a "douche bag". There's a difference between saying something/cursing out of reflex and calmly having a discussion with him, only to have the child reply with calling the dad a bad word in return. Very disrespectful!
This_war_is_ours 0
LOL!
neonsugarXx 0
I'm still confused on why you would listen to the random guy? D:
KiddNYC1O 22
What?