Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML
Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML
Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML
Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML
Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML
Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Pentium_4 27
oh man....next time you smell fish, you know what to say. BUT, only cause she was mean first ;)
StoryOfTheYear 15
No meat-lovers today?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (74)
jessjxx_fml 0
lmfaooo thats funny
Jem777 6
That's when you tell your boss that you're full on huge gaping vaginas
irishman1989 0
Dick enhancements bro
perdix 31
Also, tell your boss you're going to have to dump the anchovies -- they are beginning to stink and none likes them.
jad07 0
It's a sad day when your girlfriend says your short on sausage. You should dump that fishy smell
pussapian 3
This is why you don't date your co-worker...
RedPillSucks 33
They may have been dating before they were coworkers. Not enough info
EvilDave 13
OP, you need to listen to Sam Kinison bit about what to do with women who say you have a small penis.
davek 36
What what
Aerofresh 3
Dang that was cold! That's just not cool you don't make small penis remarks we are sensitive about what's down there.
CaptainPickles72 18
in the butt!