catbum
Regina, Canada
Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Kitty at my foot
United States
Revenge will be sweet
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
ambushcat
United States
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
crazycat
Canada
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Anonymous
United States
Surprise, human!
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Thanks, Mr Whiskers
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
crazycatlady
Ashland, United States
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Anonymous
United States
'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…
Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML
Anonymous
Reno, United States
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
Mark
Sparks, United States
Stuck in the middle
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Anonymous
New York, United States
Showtime
Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML
Top comments
allykaymorris 24
I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.
chirstinap325 23
If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.
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Comments (25)
One_In_Three 24
Now that you've made him your bitch he should no longer be a problem.
AzariusStar01 26
The rat profile picture makes that comment ironically funny
allykaymorris 24
I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.
chirstinap325 23
If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.
HarleyBlues 24
come here boy, you gonna learn today
coolmike699 26
Today, I was standing on a table minding my own business, when my pet human stuck its finger up my butt. FML
BestOrginalName 22
Straight to the point. I like it.
RichardPencil 32
Was his prostate ok?
Arashikage 18
Just call it a surprise prostate exam
GlennGuagmire 20
Try smelling ur finger now.
Kira1965 23
Am I the only one that laughed when I read this comment?
JamieLuv2u 11
Sorry if this is tmi. Cats have 2 sphincters in there anus in particular to prevent over anxious male cats from missing the goal and damaging the poop chute. Forcefully doing that can cause all kinds of problems for your cat. She could be in pain every time she tries to poop now. Maybe a quick vet check? JIC? Poor kitty!
dblogic 19
I think it's more like **** your cat's life!