Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML
Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML
Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML
Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML
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Top comments
24788 7
And people told me my reverse tinted windows were a bad idea...
Artanias 0
Bwahahahahahaha, thats so awesome, the obese guy is instantly my favourite person in the world. Also FYL indeed, even if i think what the guy did is brilliant :P
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Comments (158)
rosierosierosie 0
you loved it.
myhairynutsack 0
If it really happened (and I have my doubts), YDI for looking.
rosemary_fml 5
i bet it was like a train wreck.
canucksrule88 0
Oh....sorry for your 1 minute of hell that nobody forced you to look at
girlskill 0
HAHAHAHA that is hilarious not an fml at all, more like a "my day was amazing"
jc21_fml 1
HAHA that guy is ******* awesome
sodahhhr 0
was he in a red 2003 mazda?
Subjectzero 0
sounds like you kept staring. you should have tried to laugh. he was doing it so that he could ********** to your reactions later, you do eealize that right?
Nakedsquirrel 5
YDI. You either watched the whole thing, or kept looking back to see what he was doing. You subjected yourself to it either way. Idiot. Though my first reaction was that this is bullshit and I still think it is.
Intoxicunt 6
It was Plexico. He just wanted a blumpkin! Jeez. Where is screwtaylor? She should be doing this.
plexico 4
It wasn't me this time around, but it's giving me ideas! I gotta get a CD of **** background music and take the tint off my windows. Coming soon to a red light near you!
Intoxicunt 6
Haha. That sounds...ineffective at best. Unless you're really sexy, which, for all I know, you may be. The **** music is a really nice touch. New meaning to "red light district", huh?
plexico 4
What am I going to have to do to make the show work? Maybe if I had a female co-star sitting low in the backseat reaching around and massaging my nipple as I make the exaggerated fake ****** faces? Any volunteers? From the Volunteer State?
Intoxicunt 6
Well, you could always drive an ice cream truck. You like the MILF action, and lots of moms go out to the ice cream truck to buy stuff for their kids... That actually sounds like something I would do. So yeah, I volunteer. You know, the best wingpeople are the opposite sex from the person trying to "hook up" with someone. So maybe I could just get in your car with a bunch of other girls and make you look all the more desirable.
prinsessian 0
plexico, I love you. :) your comments are always full of WIN. x)