Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML
Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML
Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML
Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML
Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I went on a blind date set up by a friend. Everything was going great until I accidentally called my date by my ex’s name. Twice. My date promptly excused herself to the restroom and never came back. FML
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Top comments
Liyuesigs 8
Everyone who is irrelevant except her. Go chase after her and offer to pay her back. You might still get a second date.
XxXBadAshXxX 27
Aw man! Sad day. I'm sure you can explain what happened and she'll forgive you.
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Comments (87)
Liyuesigs 8
Everyone who is irrelevant except her. Go chase after her and offer to pay her back. You might still get a second date.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Be honest too when explaining what went down in the toilet.
lexi365 20
And buy her chocolate. Couldn't hurt.
Madster15 14
Woah, #18, not on the second date.
ChevyRedneck85 13
Been taking notes from the big bang theory have ya?
rocker_chick23 27
Sorry #18, not everyone is a wh*re like you claim to be on other comments. The majority of men and women want to remain STD free and only get intimate after knowing each other for a while.
Marley_000 14
Who the hell falls asleep on the toilet while on a date though? Who falls asleep on the toilet, period. Good luck trying to explain that one.
laden_swallow09 35
Did you even read the FML, 63?
Wakachulak 22
Yeah, the "I fell asleep on the crapper" line is a shoe-in second date. OP, just check this into the loss column and move on. On the bright side, you got published on FML! Congrats!
alexnoyle 12
Hahahaha
D_Zan 2
Yeah, no matter what you owe her an explanation. Even if it was an accident, it's really rude and mean. It doesn't matter too much if she believes you and it's fine if she doesn't. It's not something to get agree about(and no one has a right to be agree with her if she doesn't forgive or believe or anything). Hopefully your intent will come across in your tone.
mrcook9 5
I have...
XxXBadAshXxX 27
Aw man! Sad day. I'm sure you can explain what happened and she'll forgive you.
LeFrogDog 27
baby come back...you can blame it all on me...
Nymeria_fml 25
... I was wrong, and I just can't live without you...
Credibleskills 28
hopefully
snapper89768 7
How long were you sleeping?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Sleeping.. like a log.
Rallred32 20
Yep, there's no escape out of that nickname.
MRP360 14
a brown log at that
DracoSpirita 21
It's lo-og, it's lo-og! It's big, it's heavy, it's wood! It's lo-og, it's lo-og! It's better than bad, it's good!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
54, are you familiar with the concept of puns?
laureri 26
Why are you getting down voted for Ren and Stimpy? Love the log song!! What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs, and over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, And fits on your back? It's log, log, log
blueboy154 12
Just explain it to her. Good luck
martin8337 36
Maybe she'll give you another chance.
Welshite 40
Everyone knows the "window escape" is antiquated and rarely works anymore. The /real/ escape artists shimmy through the sewer pipes. It's usually flawless.
wastedpenguin 14
"Usually"
Welshite 40
Well there are some risks associated with this particular escape: drowning, cuts, infection, getting stuck, and getting lost in the maze of pipes. The worst part about the "sewer escape" is the dry-cleaning you'll need. Ugh.
SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10
Or you can finish the damn date. XD (I know you were being sarcastic)
StillUsesMyspace 22
Way to be a quitter 60. Real men accept the challenge of escaping their dates.
PossiblyInDanger 24
I'm sure she'll understand if you simply tell her what happened. The best of us fall asleep at unfortunate times.
saucyrossi 18
*Incoming unoriginal shitty situation comments
KissMyButtocks 6
Well that's a- rather unfortunate situation op you should reach out, pay her back, and explain the situation hopefully she'll understand
wavves 13
If you were THAT tired… why wouldn't you just reschedule?
Kirikoe 8
because sometimes it looks worse to reschedule and im sure OP didnt want to dissapoint her and was probally looking forward to it himself aswell
olpally 33
That's awful op. :/ try again when you're less tired.