Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I took my crush to see a movie. During the movie, I made a move and put my arm around her. As I reached over, my hand went straight into the popcorn tub, and I knocked it over. It spilled everywhere, all over her lap, all over me, and on the floor. I spent the next 15 minutes trying to clean up, while she awkwardly avoided eye contact. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some friends. During the movie, I really needed to pee but didn’t want to disturb anyone. So, I waited and waited. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and bolted to the bathroom… only to get locked out of the theater in the process. The staff had to escort me back in during the end credits. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML
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Top comments
hugtrees13 16
It's not really better he thinks you bailed on him mid date- he thinks something probably wrong with him. Why not just call him and explain what happened? It's embarrassing, but it's the truth, I'm sure he understand
lexos 16
You could just buy him a new popcorn and apologize
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Comments (31)
lexos 16
You could just buy him a new popcorn and apologize
RichardPencil 32
I wouldn’t be happy accepting replacement popcorn from someone who smells like pee.
lexos 16
I see that I didn't read it properly. Thought that see made it. Now is the question why she would wait that long
RichardPencil 32
Yes, incontinence is a deal-breaker for most guys under 70. Except when it’s a turn-on.
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
I don't thinks she's incontinent...
mikbrooke 25
Luke16, im pretty sure she was incontinent because she waited too long before attempting to go to the toilet. sometimes when you're in a rush, you have no voluntary control over your bladder, therefore being incontinent. ?
inappropes 31
jesus the people on this app are clueless halfwits. joke their heads
exileonmainst 16
Look at the bright side, I’m sure you’ll get a job offer from the oval office any minute now.
ohsnapword 21
Well, i suppose it's better that your date got pissed off than pissed on.
hugtrees13 16
It's not really better he thinks you bailed on him mid date- he thinks something probably wrong with him. Why not just call him and explain what happened? It's embarrassing, but it's the truth, I'm sure he understand
Lalala579121 28
I don't know what the Norse goddess of the underworld has to do with this FML.
manb91uk 22
So, you pissed yourself AND shat all over a promising new relationship? Not bad for a days work!
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Uh... peeing is natural. I dunno about him, but I'd definitely understand a girl having to use the bathroom while on a date...
evilplatypus 39
Going to the bathroom - perfectly acceptable Not making it and pissing on yourself - only acceptable if you’re under four or over seventy.
Lucky O'Guin 18
I know it's a piss-poor solution, but just tell him that you got over-excited and had to leave.
AtomicLondon 8
Sorry, but.. I mean are you 3? I don't understand not listening to your body. You're an adult, and unless you have an issue with incontinence, there is no excuse for pissing yourself in public.
Bingo_Bango 13
Yeah, I think it's not fair to let the guy think there's something wrong with him, that's the kind of experience that makes people cynical about dating and he'll probably tell his mates you're a bitch. Just tell him that you got your period unexpectedly and should have said something at the time, but were embarrassed, I'd rather a guy think that then I pissed myself!