Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML
Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML
Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML
Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML
Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I went on a blind date set up by a friend. Everything was going great until I accidentally called my date by my ex’s name. Twice. My date promptly excused herself to the restroom and never came back. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Liyuesigs 8
Everyone who is irrelevant except her. Go chase after her and offer to pay her back. You might still get a second date.
XxXBadAshXxX 27
Aw man! Sad day. I'm sure you can explain what happened and she'll forgive you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
91hayek 31
At least it ended that way. You probably were yawning the whole time and looked like you were spaced out; she would have been offended and that would have been the first and last date with her. Give yourself time and then try again but remember to GET SOME SLEEP.
ELoni_fml 25
Call her to explain, I think I could laugh about it if you'd treat me to an I-am-so-sorry dinner.. We all get hangovers
every1luvsboners 11
Your date is a lot better off anyways. He/she is in an alley blowing homeless guys for cab fare home while giving a reach-around to the guy wearing a monocle on his left eye dressed in a pink skirt, wearing a fedora and orange wrestling boots with tassels on them. Good luck finding another.
keirissleepy 10
i think you need help
da_best_eva 9
Honestly, you mustn't be in your right mind
8born8 18
They shouldn't allow societys' rejects access to the internet at the asylum.
Nymeria_fml 25
But then half the FML user base would disappear. :/
bagofpopkern 18
you have a good imagination. I'll give you that much..
rocker_chick23 27
Let me guess, you go on dates and women never call you for a second one?
cosmicriver 17
Interesting take on the situation. You have a creative mind....I'll give you that one. Albeit, it was a tad bit rude and uncalled for in my opinion. We have a decent amount of freedom of speech on this totally far out site full of awesomeness. I don't believe you have broken any site rules. Though, like I said before; it was rude and a bit uncalled for. This is just my opinion and am in no place to judge another, for no one person is better than another. Just thought I'd exercise my right to freedom of speech (to an extent) as well.
j_cat187 20
Hmm boners is back from the dead.
pratikp03 22
Guess you won't be getting laid tonight.
Inkay 13
I don't know anybody who'd have sex after the first date....
iAlissa 34
31- any guy with the intention of asking a woman on a date with the simple intention of getting laid is a waste of time.
PresidentNorth 16
Just saying everyone has personal preferences when it comes to dating. Maybe he likes sex on the first date.
iAlissa 34
#77, all I'm saying is that if a guy asked me on a date, took me to dinner, and then expected sex right away, I'd hand him some lotion and Kleenex and get my ass out of there. I would only give my body to someone whom I love and trust
worldclassrager 41
Call her but I think it's over
Kirikoe 8
Maybe its not as bad as you think, im sure if you appoligise and explain what happened she would understand :)
dakatabg 31
Well that is a messed up situation
Dave_Davington 34
It should be salvageable. Call her back, explain what happened, apologise and offer to pay her back for your half of the bill. No doubt she'll laugh about it in a few days.
breakinlegs 19
You should have rescheduled the date if you were that tired.... I mean the first date jitters should have kept you awake.
Sirmrcrowley 12
Have you seen some of these infomercials? Some people can't even fall asleep on a bed!! Congratulations on being able to fall asleep on porcelain!!