Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML
Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
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Top comments
m15m 0
you call that bitch your wife???
koolitaliano 0
tell her she has small ****, ;)
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Comments (130)
Freaking_Joel 0
I call shenenagins, nobody talks like that
U2dabest 0
They are British, and you are an american pig that deserves to die in a hole getting ****** by a man.
purplemnm 9
win for usage of SHENANAGINS!
iloveyouu9876 0
LOLLL @9
thatonegirl2012 0
lmao that sucks
greatsarcazm 0
They are not "accusations" if they are true and you agree.. Stop juicing.
mtc4ever 0
what a bitch. if you said anything like that about her and her boobs or ANYTHING negative to do with her body she would have went crazy on your ass. srsly... bitch
Erindub 0
Its this kind of shit that is why I wouldn't marry. I'd kick that bitches ass to the curb
NotMeh 0
reminds me of what Shane said lol!
bfffness 0
YDI for having a lil dick and a fat ass
MellowYelloe 0
- Looks down at crotch, and nods head- Life is good.
its_milly_silly 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Gasp*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!