Miss
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML
Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year-old boy. FML
Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML
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