Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML
Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
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Top comments
m15m 0
you call that bitch your wife???
koolitaliano 0
tell her she has small ****, ;)
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Comments (130)
ThuhBoss 0
If you lose thirty pounds, you'll grow an inch. It's a lose-win situation.
XNEMESIS82X 0
put it in her ass, I bet it's "little" enough as she says to shut her f in trap. tell her after she's done crying her ass smells
maskedman 9
Maybe you should be honest about your wife looks and then write a FML about how she won't stop crying for weeks.
Invioletlight 0
She deserves it for marrying someone with a tiny penis, yuck!
xlostwithoutu 0
wow...
MidgetMonster 0
micro-penis induced alcoholism
MidgetMonster 0
after all polite failed attempts to get your fatass drunk husband to stop drinking and lose weight, belittle his penis.
highsheep 0
YDI, I hate beer bellys. and haha u have a baby penis. fail!!!
perdix 31
A little off-topic, but in the countries where "willy" means "penis," when the movie "Free Willy" came out, did the male prostitutes panic?
CallMeHush 1
I just had to remind my customers that you get what you pay for.
perdix 31
I've got no doubt, CMH, that your clientele has discriminating tastes, but that there is a large target demographic out there that will sample the free wares, without regard to the inferior quality. NB: The words "large" and "target" were not chosen accidentally. ;)
perdix 31
I thought White Phosphorus was merely incendiary.
skyeyez9 25
Even though size is genetic and beyond your control, you could lose weight to get rid of the fat your dick is hiding in. Trim the pubes as well. Get online and read about improving your technique in bed, so your wife will be too busy having orgasms to complain about your 'tiny willy.'
luvmuffin10 0
Who cares if it is tiny you can still have sex with it right?!