Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML
Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
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Top comments
m15m 0
you call that bitch your wife???
koolitaliano 0
tell her she has small ****, ;)
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Comments (130)
GirlaftaGirl 0
Its not his fault he wasnt "blessed" but of course he should have never put this on the web eitha...teee hee
jason2468 0
get off ur fat ass and enlarge and maybe I'll regret saying u deserved it a little bit OP!
vansbabe66 0
pow! right in the kisser!!!
arman1717 0
dang your fancy British talk I can't understand y'all jk
Starfire22 5
Ouch! Time to ditch the beer and excersise!
perdix 31
You'd better lose weight which will make your tiny willy look less tiny, or your wife might trade-up for a man with an average-sized ****.
amazinglyava 0
agree w/ perdix
Ajjas013 6
A man with an average sized rooster... I better suit up :)
karinerz 0
You can always loose weight and if she ever gets fat, tell her that her **** are getting smaller, but she might already have small ****, so there you go. (:
yourproblemnow 0
just lose the extra weighttt :) no big deal
gurlucrazy 0
your willy is mighty small have a spot of tea to shrink that belly of yours old chap! ha ha, british :)
Anthrophobia 2
Sooooo OP, are you going to continue to complain on FML or are you going to get out there and exercise?