Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
That's a hard situation to be in... sorry OP
random2212 16
Omg that's terrible!
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Comments (77)
bilalshah2525 9
haha! i think your girlfriend is not giving you much time :p
annalily5 28
Things like this make me very glad I'm a girl. I can think about all the sexy times I want with none the wiser.
deathshead 19
that picture... it's a black Mamba right? they are almost as deadly as erections around children.
ezrajab 22
Omg sorry op that's a terrible situation hope it works out for the best
AlysiaChanel 16
Just say it was the cold water
Smooth_Criminal 24
cold water gives men random boners? never knew that. *obvious sarcasm*
QuaDECH 13
Cold water basically does the opposite.
coried91 28
Hun, cold water works on nipples not dicks. If the water was cold he probably wouldn't be in this situation.
RedPillSucks 33
perhaps strap it down next time
dzponce11 11
just wear a chastity belt to work.
jude_iscariot 7
I don't see what there is to talk about. It's a very natural thing that you can't really control. If they try to fire you for it, threaten to sue them for sexual harassment (why are they talking about it) or sexism (because only men can get a boner).
mattyiscool123 26
Maybe no one noticed
Justincredible69 11
pretty sure people noticed. op has a meeting with HR...
Redgy22 26
How old ARE you that you don' t have control over yourself? Simply thinking about someone gets you hard? Time to grow up & probably start looking for another job.
AdamTB 26
I don't need to check your profile, from this comment I can assume relatively safely that you're not a guy. Seriously, it can be incredibly easy to get a boner just from thinking about something attractive, especially when you're currently not doing anything. The guy saved the kid in the end, overall he was still doing his job just fine.
MagnusDeus 24
How old are YOU if you don't understand basic male anatomy.
MrThump 16
Thinking about hot chicks, ****, pussy, sex can get most dudes hard. Young males can have boners for no reason and it can be very embarrassing when they happen at an inconvenient time..... Dang when I was a teenager even the wind rustling agaisnt my pants probably set me off.
jude_iscariot 7
I'm 34, and yeah, sometimes thinking about stuff makes me hard. It happens. And it happened WAAAY more often when I was a teen - which, coincidentally, is the age of the people I often see working as lifeguards. And as for actually thinking about something, sometimes it's as simple as someone says something that reminds you of a conversation you had with someone, then you think about them... And then it happens. (Also, I'm responding to #69. LOL.)
militarybrat 21
Like you can control an involuntary bodily function. Seriously?