Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
That's a hard situation to be in... sorry OP
random2212 16
Omg that's terrible!
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Comments (77)
Bigfabthetruth52 22
Reading that first sentence makes me wonder where your head was at. what exactly provoked those thoughts while you were presiding over children.
pdp_fml 21
You should thank God that you have a hot girlfriend. I think that you can explain away your boner.
thewayoftheopa 4
You clearly had a HARD day.
pos20 26
You should be commended, managing to multitask having a good wood and respond to an emergency as well Well done
Frungy 9
This sort of irresponsible scapegoating by companies makes me angry. They put you in that uniform, they bear full responsibility. End of story. Take control of the meeting from the outset. Point out that the put you in that uniform. DO NOT talk about your girlfriend. If they ask why you got an erection then say it was simply the adrenaline and happiness at saving a life and feeling like a real hero. If they try to imply you're a pedophile then point out that you're not responsible for an unconscious and reflexive male response to being a complete stud and total hero. They ARE responsible for a conscious and perverted decision to make you go to work in what a stripper would wear. Point out that if anyone at the table is pervert then it is whoever came up with the dress code and made you wear it in public. For bonus points threaten to sue them for the emotional distress that their idiotic dress code has caused you and others.
writerchic85 26
It's involuntary. How can they punish you for it?
Dexter83_fml 17
Shit dude that's really bad. Plz let us know the outcome
Lilliefrog 8
May the odds be even in you're favor
nitrog100 21
Hopefully they understand that poppin' a chub can be completely random and involuntary. If you're disciplined for letting your mind drift for a second, even after saving a child's life, that's everything wrong with America in a nutshell.
Cristina23 3
that's awesome !!