Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML
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Top comments
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
Was the pillow pet Horney?
MicroFuturism 1
Pfft don't be so uptight.
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Comments (343)
cheesycheddar 4
You have a pillow pet and you're calling him a child???
hazardmuffin 21
You have a unicorn pillow pet and you're overreacting about your boyfriend joking around and HE'S the one who's acting childish?
neongurl98 10
How is this an FML? so you're boyfriends immature. You must be too if this is your biggest problem to make you say '**** my life'.
YoshiXclusive 0
Spence of humor, nikka!
JadeWalker 14
Im sorry but YDI, u can't call him a child when your the one with a pillow pet/ unicorn.
Attica 20
Jackie and Kelso for sure
MakeAScene 4
Sounds like a keeper.
stokation 0
He's the child but you have a pillow pet?
Cv2 0
well,maybe he was being childish, but last time i checked, pillow pets are for children anyway.
Rainbowface 2
Psssh big deal quit bein bitchy.my bf once made my feet "hump" each other and told me I had dirty ***** feet.i laughed my ass off.oh,and i'm 23.learn to laugh at jokes or your life'll be very very boring