Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
Was the pillow pet Horney?
MicroFuturism 1
Pfft don't be so uptight.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (343)
krillkel 2
That's hilarious!
IndianAngel96 13
My ex did the same with my unicorn pillow pet. Only he straped it to his leg and bounced it up and down until I walked into the room and noticed. He wouldn't stop and my parents thought it was halarious.
DecembersShadow 2
I'd probably fake an ******, if I were in your shoes. Make HIM horny
ChicKenza 4
Why do you have a pillow pet speaking of childish
WingedLovely27 20
So, the one with the unicorn pillow pet tells another to stop being childish? Nice.
guineagirl 18
I have s unicorn mask and know a gay guy so we have similar jokes like him jerking off the horn and saying he's horny with the horn between his legs
thecrazymancan 17
There's a difference between being childish and child-like.
alexjaquemet 3
He was just goofing around. Guys will be guys :p
Sudoc 29
Grown ups don't have sex after this
lozominebox 13
My sister gave my dad a unicorn pillow pet for Father's Day a few years ago. He laughed and gave it to her a week later.