Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is "heavily pregnant." I'm just fat. FML
Today, a businessman in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML
Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML
Today, I saw a woman who I thought was pregnant on the bus. Trying to be nice, I offered her my seat and congratulated her. She wasn't pregnant, just holding a large bag of groceries. The entire bus heard me and the death glare she gave could’ve turned me to stone. FML
Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy." I was too ashamed to say I wasn't pregnant, so I just took the seat. FML
Today, I got on the bus. Before I could make it to a free seat, the driver hit the gas, and the sudden movement caused me to stumble and accidentally grab onto another passenger for support. She didn't appreciate this, accused me of molesting her, and got me thrown back off. FML
Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML
Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML
Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
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Top comments
lordslaya53 14
Just be happy he didn't eat you
red_headforlife 15
I'd call him an obese asshole and tell him to get the hell out of the seat. What a jerk.
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Comments (130)
sig4life 18
He is probably due soon also the prick. He really waddled? Sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. He was a rude to your thoughtful action.
skittles_fairy07 4
No good deed goes unpunished! No act of charity goes un-resented! Sorry... Don't mind me...
kmccain 27
Wicked ftw :)
calipilot227 16
I also now have a pretty good mental image of him "oozing into the seat," haha
SoSickWithIt 14
My mental image is a less hefty Jabba the hut, with a English top hat, and a well groomed handlebar.
LemonandLime 13
I hope somebody else offered the pregnant lady a seat.
laylay33 6
You should have said excuse me sir this woman is carrying a baby in her stomach unlike you who are only carrying Twinkies
chinchily 12
Twinkies, may they rest in peace XD^^
Whaaaaaat734 6
153- They're not going to stop making them completely.
DogsPaw 16
They already stopped...
happle 21
You know you can make them yourself, too.
limerx 1
What a L...ooozer
TheNewGuy03 29
101 -- I like the image of Pizza the Hutt. It's certainly more vivid.
cswens25 8
101 - If he is too fat and lazy to endure the horror of standing for ten minutes, I highly doubt he takes the initiative to groom a handlebar or put on a top hat.
7yzz 18
Ugh, fat pathetic disgusting people like this who complain about consequences from a completely preventable and reversible lifestyle make me sick.
red_headforlife 15
I'd call him an obese asshole and tell him to get the hell out of the seat. What a jerk.
SonOfAMitch 14
I think a good option would be if the man fell through the bus seat.
oj101 33
Or we could scare the man off the seat by poking him with a celery stick.
SokDek 14
..Or the pregnant lady could fake going into labor.
Lauren324 18
I feel bad for that woman, I would have offered my seat also!
stewpididiot 11
First he waddled.. Then he oozed!! I love it !! Ya shoulda peed on him...
ElementaryEdGuy 18
If I was the pregnant girl I'd just sit on top of him! Who knows, maybe he's comfier than a bed.
LadySigyn 17
It is not worth risking the stench he must carry though....
BostonBear 33
I hate when a fat piece of shit does something like that. Should've rolled his tubby ass off the bus
TomPusslicker 21
yeah, even if one guy is a jerk, if no one else offered their seat up, we're looking at a near bus load of jerks (factoring in others requiring or deserving seats)
buckerado 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Step1)Obtain a knife.2)Cut his stomach.3)Tell him to squeeze his stomach like a pimple.4)Yell angrily at a skinny guy.5)Run away as fast as possible... Just kidding. Knee the fatass in the balls.
desoto96 9
I would have lured him off the seat with a cheeseburger.
Jovecove 13
#172 - It would be pretty hard to knee his balls under all that fat slobs of goo shit
lordslaya53 14
Just be happy he didn't eat you
PuggieKid 22
Your comment made my day.
Satoaoi 13
ikr lol
erockinthesuburb 17
"Lay off me I'm STARVING!"
dude1122332 9
"Everything is edible even I'm edible."
Charleybelle 14
If you're quoting Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory he actually says "eatable" "But that, my dear children, is called cannibalism..and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."
Charleybelle 14
Must be a recent development
heygirlie777 21
125- oops...
wenzy 2
GET IN MY BELLY!!
BeachGirl27 23
... Be glad he didn't sit on you!
VannahJane 17
You did the right thing! That guy is just a pig
SonOfAMitch 14
The guy probably also ate a couple of whole pigs before he got on the bus.
sens3sfailing 25
Run away cupcake! Before he eats you too!
Sputnikspak 13
Cupcakes are tasty. ...but you should usually stop at one.
eric40962005 8
25- every time you comment with humor your profile picture just makes it funnier lol
SmosherMe 6
Oh by the way, that was meant for #141
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Wow, that's just a dick move. You should still feel good, you gave up your spot for a pregnant woman OP. He'll die of a heart attack soon anyway.
foshizzle82 7
Ok, he's an asshole, but sounding glad that he will probably die soon is a bit harsh don't you think?
Hyde_is_Back 4
Nothing is sacred on the Internet.
happle 21
Once a fat guy wriggled past me to take the last seat on the bus, even though I was an 11-year-old with the flu. He's probably dead now too.
Catkam623 27
Fat guys can wriggle? I can see him sort of absorbing you and then shooting you out the other side but wriggle, No
kerrwoof 13
If I was the pregnant lady, I'd probably punch the guy in the face.
Clioo_fml 17
And then blame it on hormones.
sig4life 18
Hormones - those little ******* that men want to beat the shit out of and women love to use as scape goats.
happle 21
She's ******* pregnant.
kerrwoof 13
I know when I was pregnant, hormones got the best of me once.
squideth 18
15 cuz we all know men are completely void of hormones
SoSickWithIt 14
69, I know this is very off topic, but you do know you have side boob showing in your pic, right?.... Js. :p
Sinamoi 18
What he needs is a P90X workout.
NickaPLZ 26
Or a few rounds from an actual P90 to the face.
SuperDanielNL 23
A good ol' barbed wire wrapped baseball bat to the shins and face. Though I like your other options.
SoSickWithIt 14
How about a hug? He could just be going through a really tough time right now, with the recent bankruptcy of Hostess, his company is now in the gutter and he has to sit on the bus with all the nasties.
annagilbert 6
nah what they all need is a car.
Tezoma 28
I'd suggest a good punch to the gut, but it may not reach past his icy exterior. Even if it does, there are the many layers of blubber to consider.
YepThatsMeee 23
Yeah, coz violence always solves any problem. Would you happen to be an American?
AllieCat21 21
Yes, because violence only occurs in America.
HelloSirs 14
I hit the wrong button :(. I meant to thumb you up :(.
EvilUndead 9
89, violence solves problems faster.
someguy314159265 15
It also creates new ones. I prefer to only use violence as a last resort. Non-violent methods are much more effective, in my opinion- that way, only the asshole will look like an asshole, and you won't stoop to his level.
EvilUndead 9
201, It'll take month to change asshole's opinion/behavior, and it'll take a minute to knock him down. I'm not going to live forever, so I'm not going to waste my time on explaining things to people that are not worth it to begin with. Asshole does not deserve non-violent solution.
wagne057 6
That is when you throw away the nice card and tell him to move his fat ass or you'll beat it.
_Stricks 10
Aw come on guys show the man some sympathy! A few more seconds of walking and his knees would probably break!
herbie910 3
Just take a needle and it will sure deflate him.
THuD29 4
That's a low blow!