Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk, saying, "Shut the fuck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML
Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He'd left, leaving the door kicked in. FML
Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close it because I'd seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
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Top comments
jjmiller1001 17
atleast they didn't come after you
Not_Impressed13 9
Just be glad they didn't take the "I love you" as an invitation..
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Comments (94)
RodzillaX 30
Happens to the best of us bromigo.
FitForFun 11
That might be the greatest love story ever. "The man who stole my heart, and my stereo" If not its still a better love story then twilight.
KayleeT 9
You should be glad he was only looking to rob the place and you didn't get hurt
whatthefreshhell 15
It's sad that we live in a world where we should feel lucky to only get our things stolen
lb0812 18
Well it is a valid silver lining, #23. You have a woman in the shower while there are intruders in her home. That is the stuff of nightmares. It certainly could have turned out much worse.
whatthefreshhell 15
I'm not saying things couldn't have been worse, I'm only saying it's messed up.
The_Thinker 18
It's burgle or be burgled; his next victim might have better luck stealing his heart next time.
LittlestPrincess 21
I feel your pain. Once, my parents went out of town and my brother decided to have some friends over. During the night I went to grab a drink. There already was someone (of the same age as my brother) in the kitchen so I started chatting to him. The next morning all of our stuff were gone. My brother's friends had all left hours before I went to the kitchen.
alexafml 5
Holy crap, that is really freaky!!
abc_123_321 6
hands down best comment story...
stewpididiot 11
Obviously not....
Jharrist89 12
Well thankfully he didn't try to rob you of any bathroom items.
challan 19
Half empty deodorant and TP are big in the black market scene.
Jharrist89 12
Yea, godda smell good while stealing shit!
challan 19
My first thought was of your safety, as well. You were vulnerable, and you are damn lucky. I'm glad that didn't happen to me, or my neighbors would have seen a naked blonde running out the door with her shot gun.
perdix 31
#28, which would have been soooooo hawt!! They'd probably fist-bump the thief and let him hide in their place in gratitude for getting to see that.
challan 19
Perdix, I'll stand naked with my shot gun leveled at you. Let's see if you still find me sexy.
perdix 31
#37, that's always how I imagined checking out. Just think how fun my funeral will be when the cause of death was "shot by a hot, naked, young blonde" as opposed to massive organ failure from a degenerative disease. The mourners will probably guess that I had a major organ success! So, I'll come to you with champagne, lube and buckshot (or should I trust that your aim is true enough that you could finish me off with a slug?)
Dracoboxer357 36
37- Sorry Challan, but most guys like attractive, nude women, and weapons. The only way you could have increased the sex appeal at that point was if you were also leaning up against some overly priced sports car as well. ;) Just saying! :)
challan 19
Draco, I have a whole arsenal and a jeep... Will that do for now? Thanks for the insight into a mans mind. Finally being a tomboy starts to work for me.
Dracoboxer357 36
53- O_O And you're single?!? ;D (teasing!) Tomboy's are more fun anyways, my ego has no problems getting it's ass kicked by a girl in Manly activities. :)
perdix 31
#53, that'll work. Please submit some photos with you and your stuff to the funeral home. They'll post them around my casket and I'll become a mythical hero of legend to all of the middle-aged guys. They'll look at their frumpy wives with the Barney Rubble haircuts and think, "Lucky bastard!"
challan 19
Draco, believe it or not, most men have issues with me being better at the manly arts then they are! Perdix, I will send them immediately. Perhaps I'll even place a fake tattoo of your name on my ass.
perdix 31
#59, start printing the T-shirts with my face on it like the Che Guevara ones and sell them to Urban Outfitters. Customers will ask, "Who is he?" And the salesperson will say, 'Some South American revolutionary." Then they'll ask, "And what about this chump?" And the answer will be, "That dude who was ******* a hot blonde and she shot him." The customer will choose the shirt with me and wear it out of the store. You're going to need the money for your legal defense fund.
challan 19
Perdix #1 I would wait until you entered my home before shooting you. I'd only level it at you on my property. #2 I'd never be found guilty because no one would ever believe I'd sleep with you.
perdix 31
#62, that's exactly why I'd become a T-shirt-worthy legend -- because I made such an unbelievable miracle happen. As to point #1: Do you think it would be that hard to lure me onto your property? You are the girl in your profile pic, right?
challan 19
Lol if I didn't know you in the non FML world Perdix, I'd be a bit worried about you. Don't worry though, I won't tell everyone that you're actually a caring and sweet old wanker. That would ruin your rep.
perdix 31
#65, yes, please conceal the "caring and sweet" part -- the "old wanker" IS my rep around here ;)
ZJJAMES 1
Sucks
perdix 31
Looks like he also stole your heart <3