Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
DGross 8
At least you know she was having fun :-)
lizliz07 0
this isn't a FML. get over it. it's not like this is the first time you guys have slept together. it would suck if you just got married and found out she always giggled during sex!
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Comments (92)
hottdawgg 0
first off everyone who said Just **** her hard .... ur a moron and FYL. find out what she likes and make sure your dirty talk goes along with your actions. I can pretty much make my girl ****** just by talking to her. I'm not saying that works for all women but it's better then just "feeding it to her"
LaLaJuice 0
@64.......stfu.....you are a douche.......FYL
hottdawgg 0
lol I'm guessing ur one of the ones who still doesn't know how to please a partner cause u obviously felt offended lmao
ralphyr 0
that's funny right there
i33dtehsceti 0
probbly was laughing at your tiny package
MnBran6 0
...and that's when I punched her in the face. Now I have a court date on my Saturday. FML
ski_backwards 0
how is he (she?) not having 10000 ydi's? dirty is ******* stupid.
Rachalynia 0
I'm jealous. after a year and a half of begging I still can't get my boyfriend to talk dirty to me. he's too self conscious about it. maybe she was just nervous or just isn't into it.
penpal33 7
i am guessing but i think she was probably 'enjoying' the whole thing, so nothing to get all upset now!
geeson 0
did you enjoy the sex??
f27_fml 0
maybe your just not good in bed and she was laughing at you trying or maybe she was remembering having sex with someone else fyl
Spewki 3
Some people just can't pull it off. I'm one of those people. My boyfriend told me to beg him for sex the other night, since I wanted it and he was tired, and after five minutes of trying to get past my shyness, all I could muster up was, "...please?" I couldn't bring myself to get explicit. Talking dirty doesn't come naturally to everyone. Either you need to get more practice in until you're comfortable and good at it, or you need to give it up and find a different way to spice up the sex.