Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, I left the house to get groceries. My parents asked me where I was going and how long I would be gone for. Thinking they were just being inquisitive parents, I ignored them. I got home 20 minutes later to them having sex. FML
Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML
Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
silverx10 0
And this is why it pays to pretend with headphones on.
michelle4srs 0
Right when they started you should have pretended to wake up and made a loud noise to let them know.
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Comments (95)
RideOorDiee 0
Sucks!!! I can fake sleeping but fake waking up is hard cuz your always parinoid it wont look right or like one time my cuzzin and my sisters boyfriends little brother spent the night, they were all in my room and i was dozing off but they started 'messing around' idk i was younger! But he was like come on just let me see and my cuzzin was giggling and making noises and i tryed moving around so they would think i was awake but they didnt!!!!! I was scared bcuz i didnt wanna get them introuble but i didnt wanna hear it!!! So finally i grabed my pillow and blanky and ran to my moms room and slept on the floor at the foot of the bed!!!
drinkupgorgeous 0
Thanks for sharing!!! I really wanted to know all of that!!!!!
SimpleSimon 0
Well... that's ****** up
Sessee 4
tl;dr.
emery52 0
agreed w/ #17
plethora 3
They knew you weren't asleep.
DrAwesome 6
Ha ha, random period much? "Today, while driving home with my parents." Bet you were glad you pretended to be asleep to avoid a delightful conversation with your mother. It was the least you could do for the woman who gave birth to you, ya know.
hellya14 0
Yep...and that's why the future is bleak
tjgirl 0
I would of screamed and flailed my arm about.
Rayne67 0
Just the one arm? What is the other one doing?
babygirl125 6
Lol wow
connalH 0
maybe your parents were trying to pull a prank on you?
sk8ordie985 0
I wouldve scared the shit out of them with a very loud "HEY GUYS!!!"
Sessee 4
Did your other arm get amputated?
doch_fml 4
hahaha, we live in the same region...woot. fyl indeed.
nightswimmer 0
naughty (meant to be read in a fancy erotic british voice)
WonderBlunder 0
You should interrupt "remember to play safe kids, I don't want another sibling alright?"
moomoomrcow 0
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww