Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, I left the house to get groceries. My parents asked me where I was going and how long I would be gone for. Thinking they were just being inquisitive parents, I ignored them. I got home 20 minutes later to them having sex. FML
Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML
Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
silverx10 0
And this is why it pays to pretend with headphones on.
michelle4srs 0
Right when they started you should have pretended to wake up and made a loud noise to let them know.
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Comments (95)
silverx10 0
And this is why it pays to pretend with headphones on.
sublime93 0
Oh nooo, your parents have sex, what a horrible thing. Grow up. (Trolltrolltrolltroll)
Layneebby 0
@46. Yes his parents have sex, i'm sure he knows this. But _NO_ONE_ wants to know what their parents do when they have sex. No one wants to hear about it or hear it. Would you?
thabeast 0
which is why you yawn loudly and see if they stop
fed_life 0
ive seen this exact same FML... get a new story
yehr 0
ewww but no one wants to hear about how their dad's going to mouthwash with their mum's ******.. YEKK!!!!! LMAO!!!
yehr 0
you should have pretended to wake up asap!!
iLIAMMM 0
Did you get a boner?
ReasonsToFly 0
Oh geez, I lol'd. Good show, sir.
Mosswine 2
#2 He totally did. I know it.
justcallmeWiLLiA 0
I wouldve embarrassed them about it later;(
Neonnight 0
Good thing to do
michelle4srs 0
Right when they started you should have pretended to wake up and made a loud noise to let them know.
simplyn2deep 2
that's exactly what I would have done...lest I spend hours rocking back & forth in my room willing myself to stay awake so I wouldn't PICTURE what they were describing!
Crunchy_fml 0
The OP was probably too shocked when this started, and by the time he thought of that it was already too late.
sophiepento 0
True. This is probably the funniest FML ive seen in a while.
Heaven666 0
lol love that reply... xD, but use alcohol to help when your eyes are open
curryndricegirll 0
Sounds to me like her mom already knew and was doing it on purpose so that she would "wake up". Once she wakes up, she has to talk to her mom.
I_ate_pikachu 0
No, at least she knows her parents love each other. xD
americayay 0
And you didn't "wake up"? Kind of creepy. You so wanted to hear it.
curlyfriez 0
haha he so did!!! i mean if he was "sleeping" he could of like moved so they could shut up.
_Noon_ 0
That's what I was thinking. He could've easily faked waking up, so there's only one reason that he didn't.. It totally turned him on!
abetterday 4
YDI for being allergic to fur
drinkupgorgeous 0
what the ****?
Tobe_fml 0
Lmao, you win #5
matt5217 4
you make nooooooo sense
LiliLatte 15
Boots with the fur?
corsmore 0
I'd get out my cell phone and pretend to call someone and start doing the same, and see how they liked it.
poopymonsters 0
whats a diarrhea?
SimpleSimon 0
It's a special time in a young man's life...
failwhatwhat 0
i believe its an old old wooden ship, made during the civil war era
Maxwellminpin 19
Search it on google images
uj_fml 4
Umm you could've pretended to wake up. YDI for putting up with it.
highonlife77 0
SEXY
pingpongdj 0
i think i read a similar fml some time ago, except instead the parents were discussing how fat the author was or something. not saying this is fake though. why didn't you wake up? once they started you should've been able to tell what they were talking about and immediately woke up instead of still lieing there "asleep". unless you actually wanted to hear it, which makes this not an fml.
meeeep 0
i was just gonna say that..yeah the OP was pretending to sleep and the parents went on about how fat she was.