Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I finally slapped the shit out of the mosquito that had been buzzing around my room all night. I celebrated, turned off the light, and immediately began hearing another one. FML
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML
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Top comments
TeraBaap 21
Tell him he has a mosquito on his face and do the same.
stryder9090 28
Well you wouldn't want anyone to suffer the pain of mosquito bite on their ass would you?
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Comments (56)
TooBadItsMe 5
is the 320 in your username your weight? if so I can see why he did that.
Dictionaryspeaks 18
What do you expect if your relationship leads you to a club...
doemetoch 28
...so now people in relationships can't go clubbing anymore?
Crazyjohnb 23
The things that happen in a club is not the type of thing i would do in a relationship but ive been told im a boring person so i guess i do not understand fully.
9a_z1 11
You don't expect to have your arse slapped by some random bloke in a club, or at least it's very sad if you do. It's horrible behaviour no matter the setting.
DoomedGemini 38
So you don't dance or drink when in a relationship?
MiraRose 20
Since when is it not ok for a couple to go out and have fun in adult setting?
HannahLastedxoxo 10
it really depends on where you live. Where I live for example it's pretty much only single people who end up in clubs or people looking to cheat. Sad truth, but it happens. So I mean technically he might not be wrong
mof424 14
Slaps his face, then tell him there was simply a misquito on it.
EvilLittleMan 23
Smack his balls with a Fly Swatter and tell him you saw a fly.
LAURA_EL_JUICE 6
Wow, thats not even funny. So much disrespect there.
moondoglou420 17
Yea, there was.. HIM!
epicgamer 18
Are you trying to imitate that starbucks ad?
RosaMaravillosa 10
I think he has a mosquito on his nose.
hotmessguy 13
OMD I live near you!!
Khnz0052 5
Since he's your boyfriend and you're supposed to trust him, maybe there really was a mosquito. You never know
InfiniteSunshine 32
Are you serious? Don't be that naïve. Yes, you're supposed to trust your boyfriend, you're supposed to trust that he won't do shit like this in the first place. After you catch him doing something like this, no, that's when he's violated your trust and you shouldn't trust him anymore. Even if there was a mosquito there, you don't smack another person on such an intimate area to get it, you politely let them know so they can get it themselves. The OP's boyfriend is just a douche, and a lying one at that.
SpyroMello 29
#29 yes you need trust in a relationship but you also need to know when they're lying and he clearly was. A mosquito bite isn't gonna kill that chick and he could have just told her and she could have dealt with it herself. I would not appreciate nor tolerate my boyfriend touching another girl.
DoomedGemini 38
Mosquito or not, a stranger is NOT allowed to slap me, let alone my ass. And it's pretty obvious it's a ******* lie.