Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I finally slapped the shit out of the mosquito that had been buzzing around my room all night. I celebrated, turned off the light, and immediately began hearing another one. FML
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TeraBaap 21
Tell him he has a mosquito on his face and do the same.
stryder9090 28
Well you wouldn't want anyone to suffer the pain of mosquito bite on their ass would you?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
attitudenasty 8
Leave him.
TisButAScratch 10
You guys were in a club. What did you expect?
sparkledoge 29
Fun ? Dancing ? Having a drink with friends ? I don't know, things people normally do in clubs ? You know, usually when i go out with my friends/boyfriend, my first idea is not "i'm gonna touch someone's ass". It's called being civilized.
AfroFluff 23
Isn't that like, comic book quality of an excuse? How did this discussion end OP? I hope you didn't let him get away with it.
jvanevery 19
performing a Public Health Service preventing the spread of the zika virus some assholes Never Grow Up
ATPR_4 9
He must of had a good look to be able to see a mosquito on her ass..