Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML
Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML
Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night, so I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. That's when he said, "You have lettuce in your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML
Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML
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Top comments
Cairo_Sanchez 8
That's just TOO desperate...
theunwiseone 4
DA *****???? O.o
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Comments (374)
Alleged_Cranium 7
Incest is best. Put your brother to the test. Closer kin? Further in. For a fake hicky, use a vacuum cleaner.
GlobalGenocide 8
Hmm me think's you have had experience with this... Your limerick was amusing though :)
ArielTheMermaid 17
I saw on 1000 Ways to Die a woman who tried to give herself a hickey with a vacuum cleaner. It was so gross and then she died o.O
eb0ny 15
^^ Oooh. That show is super duper.
rachilio 26
Lol that's what I was thinking, use the vacuum cleaner.
vcapelo 19
You could have told him that he's not necessarily a loser just because you don't have a girlfriend. For some people it's a choice not to. Oh and then charge him 50€ for the info.
GotBrains 0
Not his choise ^^
vcapelo 19
Of course I meant to write: "he doesn't have a girlfriend"
hhhwat 0
Three words, boosh.
PeteyPablo12308 20
One word; what??
MissMae93 23
Firstly, "boosh"isn't a word. Secondly, if it was, that's just one word.
auzz1_pride 9
116) If you think about it technically he did type three words, but in the text he used it was only one word.
Ieatpeople8282 0
The Mighty Boosh
doctorhook86 25
It's recursive; you have to count "three words" to get to three words.
DontForgetMe4 0
Im sorry, but that is really strange... the parents must have been like " uh....what's going on here?"
Senseless_487 29
You don't say?
Wicked361 8
That awkward moment when the comment commenting your comment has more likes.
Pentium_4 27
yep, money can get people to do anything. further confirmation
aileen15 15
so agree couldn't say it Better myself
lolipop1234_fml 7
Your brother just pimped you out to himself!
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Great story your brother fabricated there. You're both idiots. No amount of mental soap can wash that image from your parents' minds.
Zoranius 6
I'm sorry but what's hickey? :) I'm from Sweden
thehunt 0
Basically when people are getting intimate when one is kissing the neck of the other it leaves a little bruise there
JSwerv3 6
A usually dark colored skin mark left on any part of the body after having it sucked for a long period of time
showlife32 0
It breaks very fine blood vessels and leaves a bruise that's extremely difficult to get to go away.... Sexy to break blood vessels huh?
Zoranius 6
Oh, thank you! If someone is interested, it's called "sugmärke" in Swedish :D
doctorhook86 25
154: If you don't mind me asking: I'm guessing "märke" means "mark", so does "sug" mean "kiss"?
Zoranius 6
186, märke is mark and sug is suck so "suckmark" :D
doctorhook86 25
246: Haha awesome, thanks bro. Gotta say, I think "suckmark" makes more sense than "hickey" does.
doctorhook86 25
246: My apologies, your profile says you're a sis not a bro.
beatlegirl27 20
It's a love bite
PlasmaIncarnate 0
Your partner sucks on your neck leaving a bruise.
seanoc69 7
Anyone surprised it was the French?
banan001 6
Ewwwww that's sick! Incest much?