Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML
Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML
Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML
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Top comments
savannah65 19
Ew wtf
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.
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Comments (118)
savannah65 19
Ew wtf
barakados 11
It would be wen weirder if he paid you to French kiss a girl while he watched
life_sucks225 13
Plot twist: OP is his first date.
jazzy_123 20
that's a nasty plot twist
EphMi 5
what's next? pay you to teach him how to screw and go down on a girl so he wouldn't screw up?
JacobH34 10
It's like that scene in We're the Millers!
staychill 16
That's really creepy..
barakados 11
I dunno. I think that it's totally not creepy. OP: Lock your doors at night.
Luluthus 41
Because they are old enough to date? I really hope they are not sharing a room.
ericb982 8
I remember when my parents tried to get me to share a room with my brother. Nobody slept that night,
juststephhere 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's really awkward but he's just nervous. Everyone does weird crap when they're nervous!
emirie 21
I don't know about you, but I never asked a sibling to teach me to French kiss because I was nervous.
juststephhere 23
I'm not excusing it. I'm simply saying that people do weird things when they are nervous! He might've thought of it as a last resort! I think it's strange too but he might've had reasons
littlem91 29
I'm struggling with how there could ever be a reason good enough for it. It's creepy and gross. Simple as that.
robd007 20
he probably asked her to show him how or explain the fundamentals of it and not to be his test dummy.
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.
Kamon97 23
Isn't french kissing a little much on a first date anyway?
KeinBaum 12
Sure, asking your sister is a little weird but who else would he ask? His mom?
KiaKarma 11
#45.Maybe a friend? Or you know, ANYONE else that isn't in the family.
Bano360 25
#28 nothing wrong with it on a first date. It's not like it's oral or sex.
tstew97 4
Good thing it wasn't one of those dates...the op may have had to blow him for practice.
KeinBaum 12
#56: I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't got any (female) friends if OP says that he is such a weirdo.
emirie 21
Oh good grief. I'm sure he can find a tutorial on YouTube.
Rallred32 20
Or on pornhub.
juan3611 14
#17 this comment though XD
jazzy_123 20
haha there actually is. One that my sister showed me was hilarious
xx000o 27
For some reason I didn't think this would be covered on You Tube, but when I got to "How to French kiss while hanging upside down like a Bat" boy was I surprised.
jazzy_123 20
lol there's one where this guy has a peach and he starts kissing it seductively and then he eats it all up x)
SgtAssCheeks 21
Is your brother from Alabama?
mpkpm 19
UK...sigh...literacy must be a problem where you're from.
noonenoeone 22
Literacy isn't the problem here, he mentioned Alabama because of their lax laws involving marrying within the family.
glabberfasted 16
Literacy is the problem here, because it clearly says OP is in the UK
SgtAssCheeks 21
Actually, OP's name on the mobile app is so long I can't fully read the full country name. All I can see is 'United' so this was literally a coin toss.
falon142012 22
Hm. I'm on the app and can see the entire location. Maybe your app needs to be updated?
ericb982 8
His device has a smaller resolution.
bk64 9
French kissing on the first date? Dang that boy moves fast.
redraven88 16
Do you live in Alabama?
hulopro 16
Only acceptable in Kentucky
austin101123 3
from Kentucky. found this funny.
clrichmond2009 24
why does everyone leave out West Virginia in the incest related comments?!
tstew97 4
And Arkansas
TallMist 32
And, like 2 people above have said, Alabama.
JamieLT 22
Maybe he was trying a "we're the millers" approach.
MikeyScene420 17
Lololol best scene in the whole movie