Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I was doubting my boyfriend's feelings for me, so I asked him if he found me attractive. He replied, "Well, you're thin enough…" That's all. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of a certain plus-sized vocalist, to which she replied, "She's gorgeous!" I said, "That's great because you remind me a lot of her." Now she's not talking to me. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML
Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML
Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML
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Top comments
pidri 0
doesn't sound like ur dating her sounds like she's using you for ass.
MoonyIce 0
... Wow. Classy.
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Comments (60)
PimhNL 3
first. i suck
SexyShuShu 0
dats fudged up!!
Xuphra 0
Sexy and drunk? Dude what's the prob?
SexyDrPepper 2
do u suck LOLlipops?
Dopeyrox 0
just be happy your gettin some? but if it bothers u leave
Soybean254 0
does it matter what YOUR body looks like? if you get lucky and she's drunk it's a plus!
Boddmon 0
Why is this an FML? You're probably getting more/better action from her since she's always drunk. Sober girls aren't as fun and willing!
MoonyIce 0
... Wow. Classy.
Boddmon 0
lol
bigboy_245 0
amen to that
pidri 0
doesn't sound like ur dating her sounds like she's using you for ass.
Boddmon 0
That's a win-win in my book.
blkwhtrbbt 0
that comment just made my day
Toimu 0
Really, what is the problem?
youthink_fml 0
You're both assholes for trying to pry a compliment from someone. And you both deserve anything and everything BUT a compliment. Losers.
mn_mpls 0
this
YourConscience 0
^The truth.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
Cool story, I think I missed the part that makes this an FML...
FernandoTorres_fml 0
Love it.
Cthulu 0
much better
IOwnedYou 0
Definitely better.
ilikepie789 0
sounds hot
taylor2083 0
seriously???? some of y'all are just sick
missyfayee 0
YDI for being 100% cheese!!
BadPinkKitty07 0
both the OP and the girl were fishing for compliments about their bodies. now OP is fishing for sympathy, which is quite stupid of him, because everyone should know by now that FML is a far cry from being a shoulder to cry on. ranting is over. that's one very classy lady ya got there, OP.
saaaammmmm 0
Thank you, Captain Obvious.