Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML
Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML
Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML
Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML
Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML
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Top comments
LittleSushi_fml 13
Does it matter what the cashier thinks?
Welshite 40
Who cares what other people think? I was a cashier once, long ago. The cashier probably didn't care or notice either.
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Comments (53)
JMichael 26
Most cashiers don't pay attention enough to really care.
perdix 31
If you think so much of the cashier, why don't you ask her out on a date? She could probably get you the employee discount on future porkchops, and if you play your card right, you might enjoy other kinds of porking with her ;)
Good_old_Grim 8
Why do people who don't want to be alone pretend that they are not alone? Wouldn't being obviously single increase their chances of getting with someone?
askingandy 23
So Walmart is a great place to pick up chicks?
jaycee1209 5
You shouldn't care what people think OP, just be happy :)
Dark_Stream 29
Way to go. I used to do that myself, back when I was single. I didn't want to look like a lonely loser. And I hated to look like I was buying all that candy and junk food (and booze) for myself, so I'd pretend to be having a party.
Enslaved 38
Great thinking, now they'll just think you're a fat ass that needs to eat enough for two persons. Nah, I'm kidding. They wouldn't give a duck either way.
SunTzu2 9
A big juicy one's far better than two small ones running after another!! Who really cares? Do your own thing anyway
KeeLady 20
As a cashier for over 4 years, I can assure you we honestly don't care about trivial things like that. You customers way over-think things!
WCARlover 35
As a cashier, I can assure you that cashiers don't give a shit what people buy 99.9% of the time
SuperMew 22
Op, I used to care what people thought all the time. I used to think they would judge me for what I was purchasing as well. But then I learned that the only thing they wanted me to do was be out of their hair quickly and not be a total bitch. Cashiers only remember people who are super nice or super bitchy, not someone purchasing a pork chop.
Dthsapprntc 23
It's not just cashiers, it is everyone in retail. I was an over night stocker once many lifetimes ago, and I can safely say that the only customers I ever remembered were the extremes. So unless OP goes shopping every day at the same time and always goes to the same cashier (stalker), the cashier won't know OP from any other of the hundreds of people they deal with every day.