Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML
Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML
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Top comments
ThomasBombadil 31
Yikes! Hope the three year old is okay.
PurpleDrankkx 7
The real question is, why was he holding him while hammered lol
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Comments (56)
skyeyez9 25
Sounds like my alcoholic uncle. Gets drunk every evening, acts like an insufferable know it all. The next day, denies anything he said or done. He thinks since "Well, I dont remember saying or doing (insert whatever he did) and therefore feels like he doesn't have to apologize or be accountable for his actions.
Madridsta1999 7
PARTY HARD! I really hope the child is fine. Never put children in drunk people's hands.
downtownskater 2
I don't want to hear it, at least your mom didn't have a seizure Christmas Eve, miss Christmas and also still be in the hospital, I'd take your Christmas any day
outoftown 27
Hope you mom is better, dts.
sykokitti 15
hope someone caught that on camera
suri23 11
Alanon.
oneofthosegirls_fml 11
Keep toddlers away from the drunk middle aged people. Christmas rule #1
Gangsterrface 10
Drunk people period .
lindora 35
I thank God everyday my parents don't drink often, and when they do, they aren't immature assholes.
ashleyylove3 22
Sounds like a pretty normal Christmas. Well, at least by my family's standards.
Ki11erC 18
Shame on you for not keeping up on shots! Lightweight.
Wiringify 22
Is the tree okay?