Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML

Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

He's still got it

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

Family values

Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML

Cartoonish

Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML

Boozehound

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML