Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to get food. I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and all of a sudden it got hard to breathe. I realized it was a blueberry muffin, and I'm deathly allergic to blueberries. I looked at my friend, and she was laughing, saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML
Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML
Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML
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Top comments
lerouxmaster 7
The sister. She was killed instantly.
thisisafunnyname 12
did it hit anyone?
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Comments (165)
tylerbro 3
Ouch.
CaptainCola 7
That sucks, but if that is the most intense pain you've experienced then you're doing pretty well....
Skywalka911 0
You must not have had a lot of pain.
urdirtyolduncle 15
You guys act like you know how that feels.
chell1894 13
Or is s/he doing well for that being the worse pain s/he's experienced
explodingmuffint 0
I moderated this. It wasn't worded this colorful at that time..
Sebastian_NG 17
Be careful with what you say 52, I once made a similar comment and it got moderated by some staff guy from the site and I received the scariest email I've ever gotten
bfrench95 0
I like turtles?
NoNameAtAll_fml 1
She doesn't know what it's like to get nut-shotted
_Oblivion_ 12
Its not the pain u get with the nut shot that makes it bad, its the ten minutes+ you are grasping ur pants for dear life because it wont go away haha
beccac_boresfoff 9
I had spicy noodles go Up my nose when I was a kid and it was pretty dam bad...
kbtoyz69 9
shooting a blueberry through my nose was the most intense pain in my life... then I took an arrow to the knee ;)
Zeppelin1969 5
I hate when people post something incredibly short and/or not funny just so they can be first to reply.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Try passing a kidney stone, you've never experienced pain until you get one of those bitches
CaptainCola 7
After reading this again I noticed that OP describes her blueberry as "bullet-like"...I'm sorry I just feel like that's a terrible comparison. A soft and small fruit that weighs less than an ounce is NOT similar to a bullet used to kill people...maybe a different analogy?
helloimmia 4
kidney stones are literally the most intense pain I have ever felt. I got my first one when I was NINE years old.
You_Need_Soap 6
134- FYL!
J0gby 0
How did the bluberry get in OP's nose in the first place? Maybe I just can't read...
SkoomaKi 28
Sounds painful!
Lanceeden 12
Do...do you...do you have sk, sk, sk, skoomaaaa? Skooma! Skooma! oh god I'm such a nerd
Llama_Face89 34
Really? I'd never have guessed...it's not like OP said anything about it being painful...what? They did?
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
61- lmao oblivion xD I got that guy so much skooma and killed him xD
AlaskanEskimo34 0
No i'm dead serious.... kidney stones are so much worse
JustOhSoLovely 6
I'm not gonna lie, this string of comments totally lost me lol
thisisafunnyname 12
did it hit anyone?
lerouxmaster 7
The sister. She was killed instantly.
tennischick14 6
Omfg that comment made my day :)
kbtoyz69 9
78- 89 maybe? Her profile is bad in the grammar category.
fl0ffy 0
lmao, Waldo is in the book, in the library, which Is in schools, where people go to learn. DUHHH
taytaylal 11
Don't laugh and eat blueberries next time.
KeyboardWarrior 10
I've only read three of your comments and I already don't like you one bit. You are either a massive troll or a bumbling idiot.
SkoomaKi 28
It's hardly OPs fault, everyone laughs, she just happened to be eating some blueberries.
lindseykcool 6
11, she's a bumbling idiot. Have you read her profile? Grammar Nazis would go ape shit on her.
Llama_Face89 34
Who are you replying to?
blueberry1223 0
Where is 11?
iDaniel525 8
Where's Waldo?!
PeeblesWiggins 0
And where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?!
Fl9C1 4
Blueberry blast!
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Win XD
lerouxmaster 7
Must have been the most ******* hilarious comment ever made. That or you are mentally challenged, OP.
SkoomaKi 28
Sir, your profile picture has now made me scared of bananas, as I think it is going to sexually assault me.
lerouxmaster 7
It will slowly insert itself in your mouth and force you to stroke and chocke on it. Then, you'll have to swallow. YOU LIKE THAT !?
SkoomaKi 28
O.o
heavymetalman1 0
Boom, Banana Pudding in the back of your throat!!
Commander223 9
Wow. I tried putting that picture as my profile picture quite a while back but it wouldn't let me because it was to "innapropriate"
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
47- that's banana blast ;)
IdaE 17
37- i'd like that......
MrSexyPants 14
That sounds like a berry bad feeling actually...
lerouxmaster 7
You misspelled ver... Oh wait ! HOLY SHIT WHAT A GREAT PUN ! *explodes*
jaredjudd21 2
That is berry punny
me_gusta_eso 1
And that is berry terrible. ^
Chad_the_Brony 0
Oh, these are grape puns. OH SHI-
IdaE 17
That sir, is berry sad.……
MelTheGreat 23
A visual of this would be amazing.
silentbutfunny 0
Would? Is*
DontClickOnMe 28
I wonder what she said that was so funny...
ShroomsOnAcid 17
No you don't. I figure you should know better after OP's close call. Curiosity already killed the cat - do we really need to have it kill the dog as well?
Mea022796 2
Good thing I don't like blueberries lol
squirrel1215 5
...so are you trying to say that you eat things that come out of people's noses? O.o
squirrel1215 5
Yes, because I was obviously being completely serious there. *Eats cookie*
ikickgingers 15
Nobody in their right mind would take food from T.I. You don't want to know where that cookie has been. :/
KiddNYC1O 22
Up his nostril?
ikickgingers 15
With a liter of coke